My mom and I took care of my father diagnosed with dementia for many years. He died last month at 91 and now my mom who is very close to me called and said “I spoke to my attorney and you don’t need to come today or ever again”. She does not have an attorney and was happy I was coming to stay the night the day before. I have stayed away for 3 days and she has not called. She cannot drive and needs help with medications, grocery shopping etc. I don’t know what to do? I just lost my dad and this adds another layer of stress on the sadness and stress I’m already feeling.
You may need to be firm at first. Don't plead, insist on an explanation.
I hope you have POA. Makes life easier. Ciuld it be that caring for Dad you didn't notice the early signs of a Dementia. Chalked it up to old age? Mom could have a Uti, could be taking her meds wrong. The death of Dad could cause a depression. She could not be drinking or eating properly. Dehydration can do a number of things.
If I were you, I would definitely visit and see what is going on. If she still is not herself, take her to her PCP for a good checkup.
Your dad died, but her husband died...A man that she has probably been with for more than 1/3 of her life. One that she loved, raised a family with, cared for and now....nothing.....
I would go by for a visit.
Go in and see how she is doing.
If she looks at all "off" soiled clothes, hair not combed, anything out of character for her I would be very concerned.
If necessary call 911.
Look into a Bereavement Support group you could go with her. Although there are support groups for people that have lost spouses.
My thought is she may have decided to just "give up"....
If that is not the problem, just give her some time. Does she have a neighbor you can ask to kind of check on her, daily?
She's probably grieving, and grief does funny things to people. It's a huge change to go from living with someone for many years and then losing them and having to find your 'new normal'. Maybe she just wants space.
When my daddy passed, my mother shed zero tears. She also didn't really acknowledge to us kids the grief we were feeling. It was weird, but not out of the way 'abnormal'. It just was what it was. She didn't want people around her either, and slowly she moved on to a life w/o 24/7 CG.
The fact mom states she spoke to an attorney, yet doesn't have one is troubling. Has she shown signs of dementia herself? Maybe time to focus on mom for a bit.
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