My grandma has insisted on staying in her house alone after grandpa died 7 years ago. He did whatever she said whenever she said...so she expects same from daughter and us 2 grandkids. We are the only family she has left. Everything was manageable for first 3 years or so. We would bring her groceries, bring her to bingo, etc. Though manageable, very difficult because of constant tantrums that nothing we ever did (according to her) was right. By the 4th year, not so manageable. She started having falls around the house. We offered her to come live with us. No way she said! Giant blowout tantrum with screaming and tears. Well she had a bad fall after that. Broke her femur. Couldn't be released home unless she had 24 hr care. I agreed to move in. She couldn't fix her own meals, couldn't change clothes, couldn't wipe herself after using the bathroom and couldn't bathe herself. Its now been 3 years, she still can't do any of those things but after more tantrums, I talked her into wiping herself (thank god). Well, I do not actually live in the house anymore but I and my mom and sister all visit 3 times a day. Every. Single. Day. We bring all meals and change/wash her, and empty her commode since she says she cannot make it to upstairs bathroom. So quite often she has threatened to leave our family out of her will. Any little thing sets her off to say that. You bring her lunch at 12:00 instead of 11:00, thats it! She says thru clenched teeth, "you're out of the will! I don't need you!" Well she has been threatening this for years. The day I moved in with her a nosy neighbor, who I already know does not like me or my family because of the way grandma portrayed us, she came up smirking and said "hey maybe she will be nice and leave you her house. Maybe." This neighbor lady and her husband by the way, have keys to her house. They were given by my grandpa but still....when grandma was in rehab for fall, my mom and I went to clean the house and smirky neighbor lady just casually let herself in with keys! I'm just wondering, after we are here taking care of her every need, can someone who doesn't even visit her just take the house my grandpa worked 2 jobs most of his life to afford???
NO ONE is guaranteed an inheritance. As a matter of fact I think the money should be spent on the person that needs the care rather than squirreling it away to be doled out after the person that needed it has died.
If you or your family can not or will not provide the care that she needs contact Adult Protective Services, or contact your local Senior Services and talk to a Social Worker and explain that Grandma needs help and you can no longer provide the help that she needs. No telling what would happen to her assets and that includes the house if they determined that she needs 24/7 care.
If she were to be declared incompetent she would need a Guardian and that might possibly fall to the State since you said you can not provide proper care for her. Chances are the only ones that "win" in that situation are the Lawyers.
Your profile does not tell us how old grandma is or what her medical conditions are. That would help.
Good that you are no longer living there. Has grandma setup POA's? That needs to be done. Or family goes to court, if she is not competent, to obtain guardianship. It sounds like that may not be possible since grandma is unlikely to want family to be granted it.
It also sounds like you may be jumping the gun on the inheritance issue. Grandma's resources are for her care. Often paying for Care will drain any resources that they may have.
Is grandma on Medicaid?
Some elder lawyers will come to house if there is a reason the client cant get to them, rare but not out of the question.
I'm sure if the neighbor is a friend she see's the comings and goings on ,it happenes more often than not that she may agree with grandma and has gotten involved. Not necessarily in her best interest. People in life can sometimes be self serving and it happens that it's not always in someone's best interest , the neighbor may be taking advantage of your grandma and helped her change her will, or it may be that there's to much concern about nothing. I would call her bluff and ask to see her will
and let's be mindful that generally people sometimes feel they are owed more than they actually are, if you have to be rewarded for every little thing you do you have the option to not do it ,,, good luck
We are not owed any inheritance whatsoever from anyone.
If she doesn't agree then give her the phone number of local home care agencies.
This is NOT okay for her to behave this way.
She can can either pay you and your family or she can go hire an agency.
Stop letting her her abuse you for free...at least get paid.