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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Grandma1954 offers good insights. There are so many contributing factors that it's difficult to generalize w/o knowing much, much more about the background of a particular person.
And, as an elderly person, I state unequivocally that I've met "mean and hateful" people throughout the course of my life, especially my working life. That especially applied to some women who were working, weren't interested in upgrading their credentials, but backstabbed those who did and made progress and/or were promoted.
They seem to lose their filters, any social decorum they may have had and apparently any concern over any subsequent consequence. My DH aunt is widely loved but once her dementia began I would notice a mean disposition at times. If someone stumped their toe, she would laugh. That sort of thing. She would talk ugly to visitors. Assume they “wanted” something. When I mentioned it to my DH he said she was that way when he was a child. I had never seen this side of her. He said she was always this way. That I didn’t really know her. I had known her for 40 years and this behavior was new to me. It is not pleasant when “that aunt” comes around. I hope you have times away from your mom and as others have suggested, don’t go along with it.
I read your story and indeed Life is too Short to keep going to the well when there’s no water there. Mom is playing head games with you and winning. Don’t call when she’s being rude, it’s not good for either of you. Accept that mom isn’t going to change except to worsen. The meanness can be illness, dementia, or just an exaggerated version of the personality that’s been there all along. None of which means you need to participate in it. Events will happen that will change things for mom, it’s then that your help comes into play, based on what’s doable for you. Stay out of her relationship with your son, don’t discuss each of them with the other outside of basic news. I wish you peace
This is a broad question. And it could be asked of any age group. (some just have a better way to "hide" it.) Often you give back what you are given. Greeted with a smile every day, a cheerful good morning just might make someone's day a bit better. If I wake up with the thought that it is going to be a bad day and I walk around with a grumble to everything that is said to me at the end of the day it is no surprise that it was a bad day. When I used to bring my Husband to Day Care, it was in a Memory Care unit at a nearby facility I would greet the residents that I saw with a smile and a good morning. At first I would get no response but after a few times I would get a smile or someone would hold out their hand to me. I often wondered with all the morning tasks that the staff had to do did they get a minute to greet each resident every morning. I bet not. Add to that what might be a person in constant pain or mild discomfort either real or imagined. AND.. Some people are generally optimistic and and outgoing while others are pessimistic
no matter the personality if you try your best to be cheerful and greet people I think it makes a difference and eventually while you might not turn a Grinch into a Pollyanna it will make you feel as if you have done your part to at least try to make someone's day a bit better.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And, as an elderly person, I state unequivocally that I've met "mean and hateful" people throughout the course of my life, especially my working life. That especially applied to some women who were working, weren't interested in upgrading their credentials, but backstabbed those who did and made progress and/or were promoted.
My DH aunt is widely loved but once her dementia began I would notice a mean disposition at times. If someone stumped their toe, she would laugh. That sort of thing. She would talk ugly to visitors. Assume they “wanted” something. When I mentioned it to my DH he said she was that way when he was a child. I had never seen this side of her. He said she was always this way. That I didn’t really know her. I had known her for 40 years and this behavior was new to me. It is not pleasant when “that aunt” comes around. I hope you have times away from your mom and as others have suggested, don’t go along with it.
Often you give back what you are given.
Greeted with a smile every day, a cheerful good morning just might make someone's day a bit better. If I wake up with the thought that it is going to be a bad day and I walk around with a grumble to everything that is said to me at the end of the day it is no surprise that it was a bad day.
When I used to bring my Husband to Day Care, it was in a Memory Care unit at a nearby facility I would greet the residents that I saw with a smile and a good morning. At first I would get no response but after a few times I would get a smile or someone would hold out their hand to me. I often wondered with all the morning tasks that the staff had to do did they get a minute to greet each resident every morning. I bet not.
Add to that what might be a person in constant pain or mild discomfort either real or imagined.
AND..
Some people are generally optimistic and and outgoing while others are pessimistic
no matter the personality if you try your best to be cheerful and greet people I think it makes a difference and eventually while you might not turn a Grinch into a Pollyanna it will make you feel as if you have done your part to at least try to make someone's day a bit better.