What has a dementia patient said that made you laugh out loud?

My mom had a fall two and a half years ago and smacked the front of her head so hard that it fractured her neck (she was 86 at the time, now 88). Luckily she did not snap the spinal cord and the surgery went well. But I think she must have gotten a concussion which has caused her (along with some age-related memory loss) to forget lots of more recent history (9/11, etc.). She knows all of her family but occasionally forgets name of her gr grands. She has had severe osteoporosis of both knees for years, progressively getting worse. She has said so many funny things, it's hard to remember them all -- she keeps me in stitches every day! I have a tub shower, so she can't get into, so we do a complete bath at the sink. I was trying to let her do most of the washing herself (don't want her to feel like I'm treating her like a child), so I told her don't forget to wash your vagina. She with humor, said, "I HAVE A VAGINA??". We both laughed so hard we nearly fell over! My son comes every day after to work to see his Grandma (they are very close). We eat dinner and then she wants to take her shoes, socks and braces off. So he knelt down to help her and as they were pulling her pants leg up to just above her knee she said, "That's as far as you go!!" We all died laughing. I really don't remember my mom having such a great sense of humor, but she was too busy raising three kids, I guess.

My boyfriend met my Mum for the first time at the care home summer fair. They seemed to get on well.
The next day, she asked me, in a stern voice, if I’d done background checks on him. When I asked her why, she said they had announced over the tannoy (which doesn’t exist), that he was apprearing in court on Tuesday because he’d been caught tying two women to his bed.
I have no idea where that came from.

I was showering Mom one morning, and was washing her bum - gently mind you. All of a sudden my 87 year old mother yells, "Don't hurt my pu- -y!" It both startled and shocked me all at once. Called my sister to share the moment. We had a good laugh together.

Mom used to say “I didn’t fall, my legs just went down to the floor, so I went with them!”

My Mom was in a NH the last few years of her life. She was in her wheel chair one day and I was visiting with her. She looked around at others in the day room; some in wheel chairs, some on walkers, and some using canes to limp about, and said, "They all look bored; what we need here is for the staff to turn some of these rooms into a big roller skating rink." The picture in my mind of these folks up on roller skates really cracked me up. She had fallen and broken one leg twice, but she was ready to go skating. So funny. HettaK

My mother's sisters flew to Boston for Mom's 80th birthday.  All 3 sisters were 75-79 and flew alone.  As they were coming down the escalator in the airport, they waved at my brother.  He said loudly "How was your flight?"  One of our aunt's yelled, "Awful.  They fed us sandwiches on Lesbian bread!" (I assume it was Lebanese).  Then one of the others insisted on carrying her own suitcase, getting it completely jammed in the revolving door.  My brother had me in stitches describing the entire scene.

Oh so much too look forward to.
Thaks all for sharing. Kind of made my day.

These are all so sweet and funny!! I hope I can make my son enjoy me that much when I start to go over the edge!! LOL

Too many to list! Some favorites: We have a burly, tattooed Hispanic caregiver. One day hubby says to him, "I love you. AND, I love p**sy." Another one: "I don't want you to go back to Mexico, you f***ing A***h***!" (I don't think the caregiver has ever been to Mexico.) Last year when the hospice nurse came to meet him she asked him how he was doing today, and he said "Take your pants off." I was telling his caregiver one day that I weighed 150 lbs, and he interjected, "That's a LOT!" It's just endless. He knows he's funny, and he always liked to be funny (he used to claim to be the king of bad jokes), and he has us cracking up every day. Bless his sweet heart!

Actually my answer will be an anomaly with saying "zero" as my SIL has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

My dad asked me if my daughter was a prostitute. He didn't remember that she was his granddaughter. I said no dad she is an Occupational Therapist.

This example was something of a group effort, and I still get a chuckle out of remembering it.
The food at my mother’s nursing home was usually very good, but what with having to deal with a number of residents who had to be assisted as they dined, the SERVICE of + or - 45 meals could sometimes become a little problematic.
I typically would arrive at least 1/2 an hour before dinner was served, and help distribute aprons or other little chores to help out the hard working CNAs.
By the time this event occurred, I knew almost every resident in the dining room, and if someone needed packets of artificial sweetener or extra napkins or spoons to self feed rather than forks, I knew it.
This particular evening found dinner time partly staffed with fill-in CNAs, and most of the more experienced staff was at the tables helping patients.
Typically, the aides would pick up the individually prepared trays from a serving bar, and hand carry them to individual diners, then check a slip on the tray to be sure that the foods to be served matched the “code” that indicated each patient’s dietary needs.
As the trays were being distributed, one of the aides noticed that there was a mismatch on Mr. Sims’ tray. Since she was all the way across the room from the serving bar, she stood up and waved her hand towards the serving staff, and called. “Mr. Sims got ‘coarse chopped’. He should have purée.”
Although the serving staff could SEE the table aide, they couldn’t hear her. A server cupped his hand behind his ear, and she repeated “purée”.
Serving aide still didn’t know what table aide was saying.
Table aide stood up and called loudly “PURÉE. Mr Sims NEEDS PUREÉ!!!
Suddenly the whole room seemed to drop their eating utensils and react to this unexpected addition to their dinner entertainment.
A strong clear voice rose from the other side of the room...
“HOORAY”, called a strong, authoritarian female voice from diagonally across from Mother’s table, and as I looked in that direction, I realized in amazement that it had come from Mrs. Sturdevandt, who as long as I’d been coming to the NH, had never uttered a sound.
Almost simultaneously Mr. Brundage, a small man beset by terrible arthritis, somehow pulled himself to attention and yelled “Parade!”
The hapless table aide, still attempting to perform the assignment she’d been given, continued to wave at the dietary aide and yell “Purée, PURÉE, P-U-R-É-E!!!
The assembled throng went wild, some yelling “hooray”, some calling “parade”, the tumult growing louder and louder until one of the more abled wheelchair residents pulled himself away from his table and encouraged his fellow residents to join him in the parade.
Although only a few were independently abled, some did, and the parade had at least 3 or 4 participants until calm was restored.
The onlookers cheered the parade volunteers on. The incident was over almost as quickly as it had started, residents returned to their places, puréed food delivered. I noticed a few rosier cheeks, a few more twinkling eyes, a little more attention to surroundings.
After over ten years, the memories of the Purée Parade linger fondly.

I was taking care of my aunt a few years back. She could be quite lucid at times, but others, well...she asked the hospice nurse one day with complete seriousness, that she had heard, “that when you get very, very, old, like about 186, that you turn into a bunny”. We were all perplexed and stunned for a response at first and then I remembered she had always loved the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, and had given my kids a copy of the story years back as well. Somehow it got a bit twisted this time around, the bunny finding out he was still loved even after having his fur loved off and his eyes fallen out. She was in rough shape but I guess she knew she was loved.

My mom was sweet on a gentleman who came to live in her facility....When I’d ask about him she’d tell me all about his “mother” and how she didn’t approve of them dating! I would tell her she’s an adult and didn’t need permission to see (date) him. But Mom would say I can’t go anywhere with him if his mother didn’t approve ! wow I’d love to meet this woman with a 97 year old son she must look amazing 😉

Thanks for starting this thread! Laughter is indeed the best medicine!

I loved the Parade story the best - I can just picture this in my mind!! So far I don't have anything particularly funny to add, but the timing of this thread was great. We finally, after a year and a half plus got mom's condo ready for sale. Since it was the only 55+ on the market, it was VERY popular for showings and open houses - we got offers MORE than asking price within days, despite realtor telling us August is a slow month (sure, for regular housing, people are on vacation, getting kids ready for school and/or college, etc, but this would be retired or soon to be retired people!)

All that was great, however getting from the offer to finally the P&S was a joke - I had to keep correcting THEIR mistakes (one would have resulted in the realtor losing a portion of his %age!!!) The first few things to do were not so bad, but this week - dealing with all the crap sucked up my entire week!

Anyway, thanks for the chuckles everyone! I needed that!

My mom was talking to her sister on the phone. My uncle could be heard in the background asking my aunt "Who is that?" - trying to get her to recognize the voice on the phone. After a few more prompts, my aunt tells my uncle, "Well ask the lady her name!"

My mother said ' well I don't know who lives here but they sure keep a messy bathroom!' The other day she told a nurse that she guesses I am her granddaughter ( well that made me feel a bit younger) and she keeps asking me if I am going to catch the bus for school ( well, no, not for about forty years now!)

My hubby with severe dementia was in rehab after a fall. He had trouble sleeping so was kept in nurses station at night . One busy night he helped by answering the phone. It was a doctor who was quite surprised and wondered who was running the show!

my mother asked me if I knew where my father was and when he would be home from the plant (he passed away 15 years ago) I didn’t know what to say so I just looked at her. I think she suddenly remembered and said very matter of factly “Don’t tell me I was waiting all day for him to come home from work, and he’s dead”. Morbid I know but we both got a chuckle out of it.

I’m sorry but I am new to this and I don’t know what SIL stands for. Could someone please explain?

Welcome Gwen-SIL can mean sister in law or son in law.

We recently got an electric wheelchair, and it’s provided some laughable moments. Yesterday, on our way out my hubby with mild dementia managed to clear the back doorway successfully, but then must’ve forgot how to make the wheelchair stop. He ended up going straight into the wooden porch railing, all the while at a really slow speed and calling out, “Hey, hey!” I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. No damage, and everything turned out fine. Unbelievable.

"Electric chairs" have provided a source of humor for us too, in that we got my mom an electric cushion to go on top of a chair, that when plugged in, could ease her up to a standing position. My husband was trying to explain to the postal clerk the dimensions of the box that this came in, and he said, "I'm not sure of the exact size. It's an electric chair for my mother-in-law." Speaking of others' posts about  acronyms, Hubby's description made me  LOL, (laugh out loud).

My dad: “I need to get my license”
Me: *blank stare
My dad: “The only reason I don’t have it is because I didn’t take the driving test”
Me: *blank stare, blink
My dad: “yea, forget I just said that”

Mom has come up with some that have me laughing so loud the aids in the hallway hear us:

Waking her up:
Me: Mom it’s time to get up for lunch.
Mom: Are you my Mom?
Me: No, you’re my Mom.
Mom repeating: So, you’re my Mom.
Me: No, you’re MY Mom.
Mom: So, you're MY Mom.
Me, changing tactic: I’m your daughter.
Mom (figures it out): Oh Jeannie, I don’t know if I’m on foot or horseback.

At lunch:
Me: I eat really fast.
Mom: I eat halfassed.

Mom: Where is Uncle Archie? (Her brother who passed away 50 years ago)
Me: Uncle Archie isn’t with us any longer, but his picture is right here on your wall over your bed, so he can watch out for you and make sure you’re being good.
Mom: Like Santa?

Me: You’re doing really great Mom!
Mom: Then you’re easily impressed.

whaleyf’s story about “speaking Southern” reminded me of my grandma who was a hardcore, sturdy Midwesterner transplanted to Oregon- but she never gave up her “speaking Midwest”.

When I was a child visiting grandma she frequently asked me to “fetch” something “over yonder” - waving her arm in a vague direction.

I got “fetch” but I never could figure out where the h3ll “yonder” was.

I'm glad people liked my "electric chair for mother-in-law" anecdote. When we were taking care of my mom, and I felt like the weight of the world was on my (hurting )shoulders, (hurting from helping her up and down a lot), I'd think of that situation and it would make me smile. It still does. My mom could say some funny things, too. She once used the handle of her cane as a pulley, bracing the cane handle around the couch's armrest, in order to help herself up from the adjacent "electric chair," before I could get to her. She stood up somewhat slightly bent over at first, with her derriere sticking out, and then stood upright. I was impressed by her ingenuity, and I said, "That's using your head." She patted her rear-end and said, "I thought I was using my other end."

I was reading an update outloud on the hurricane in the Carolinas and everyone who is being rescued from their roofs. Then, I checked email and read out a message from my husband’s sister. The summary statement from my husband:

“So, my sister is stuck on the roof.”

Smeshque: Thank you so much. Love you!

Loren: Thank you very much because that it is.