I was primary caregiver for both my elderly parents. My dad passed away in Aug of this year and my mom passed away this past Tuesday. I’m 36 and have a 14 year old who’s on the spectrum. I put my life on hold for 12 yrs to take care of my parents. I also have 3 siblings (who are in their 60’s) 2 of my siblings called the financial firm to “help me” the day after my mom passed. And have not stopped calling or texting me to see if I need “help” to start the estate stuff. I didn’t get the chance to mourn my dad passing because my mom went down hill right after and it was all about her. Now she’s gone and I can’t even mourn her because my siblings are being money hungry. What do I do? Nothing was set up in writing except for a few small things. My son needs stability and they are wanting me to buy them out of their shares for the house. They are fussing over the repairs my mom wanted done getting done but in the next sentence they say we just want what mom wanted. Both my parents wanted me and my son taken care of. What do I do? Where do I even start?
Hang up and don't take any more calls until next year.
They are despicable.
My deepest condolences on all of your losses, including your siblings.
Sometimes putting it right back on someone opens their eyes to how insensitive and truly awful they sound.
This person needs to heal and manage.
It isn't a matter (at this point) of teaching or trying to convey awareness of insensitivity, etc., it is needing to set limits/create boundaries so this person can do what is necessary in her own time.
If there is no Will, you can become Administrator. You do the duties of an Executor but...the State determines who inherits.
As said, do not answer their calls.
FIRST, take the time you need and DESERVE to mourn. Then get a lawyer who can help you through all the pieces. If there was no will they can help you navigate intestate laws in your state. And represent your interest.
It's a lot. Don't be pressured or rushed. There are certain steps that need to be taken and this will all take time. You spent 12 years of your life caregiving. Take all the time you need, and in my opinion I would not even begin to try to engage an attorney until at least after the new year.
Haste makes waste.
Here is how the Germans say it, "Do it right or don't do it at all.'
Take your time with proper documents and do not rush. No family can pressure you into the wrong moves that increase the processing time and frustration. Furthermore, you need some privacy and time for yourself to grieve. Seek counseling if it gets too challenging.
You will be mourning the loss of your parents for a period of time. That does not mean you cease to function. Take things one at a time. First, keep yourself and your son safe. Then begin with the financial firm yourself. Let them guide you.
The first thing to do is to hire an estate attorney. The second thing is to have your attorney get you appointed by the Court as the Administrator of the Estate.
At that point, you can direct your siblings to speak with the attorney who will protect your interests as well as your siblings and see to it that the estate is properly distributed.
No one wants to hire an attorney, but I can tell you that it will be well worth it in the end.
To give them their share of the home, you'll need appraisal of property and possibly to arrange financing of you're going to buy them out.
If parents had a will, have you completed dad's probate yet? If no wills, you'll need to get atty to help open the probate.
Dont discuss house repairs done while they were alive with them. Tell them not on the table. Keep good records to account for all monies and properties that will be distributed.
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