What do I do with my MIL now that she's becoming delusional?

There's literal truth, and there's emotional truth. Look for the emotional truth. My mother isn't even demented, she just has a terrific personality disorder, but the point I'm trying to make is the same. I've had to learn to translate. She told the doctor that I haven't visited in ten years -- and I was right there! She meant, "I feel lonely." Same with telling me my cousin never writes, and reading an excerpt of his latest letter to "prove" it!!! She meant, "He doesn't tell me what I want to hear." SO that letter didn't COUNT, so in her squirrelly brain she could actually say, and mean it, "he doesn't write." We have to unhook from literal truth and go with the emotional truth. And try not to go crazy, ourselves. Sigh.

I just got the book Contented Dementia, recommended by someone else here, and it is life changing! I found it at Abebooks.com and got it within days. It confirmed some of the things we were already doing and helped with so many others. I highly recommend it to everyone struggling with caring for a loved one with dementia of any sort.

Yeah, she's going in soon.

Oh my gosh we are all loving the same lives. My mom has been diagnosed since 2008 she is 87 this year. My hubby and I alone have been dealing with her decline for 8 years. Mind you I am sure she had the disease before the diagnosis but her son and her brother and sister in-law said she just had a bad memory and was normal at her age. I insisted that she get a referral from her doctor to see a neurologist that specializes in brain disease etc. We started on the rd to her diagnosis. they can do blood tests to determine the probability of Alzheimer's if necessary and she had all of the genetic markers.Could have done a brain scan as well but with her pace maker it isn't safe to do one. None of the medications worked for mom because she couldn't remember to take them anyway. When I finally got her moved to assisted living it was not any better. Complete nightmare! After one year moved her in with us.2 years now. She gets great food, a beautiful bedroom,and private bathroom, gets to see our local family more, (not my brother of her brother and wife( they say we are too far away. Only a 40 minute drive.)
She has hallucinations, is delusional, talks to people that aren't there. She does go to adult day care 2 times a week and it is a godsend for me and she really enjoys it too. She thinks she works there so it makes her feel useful. This little lady is not incontinent still has good strength in her legs, could walk me around the block and goes up and down the stairs and around the house dozens of times a day. Won't sit to watch tv unless it is Millionaire.She takes no med's. Just vitamins,extra vitamin D3 and baby aspirin cause she has the artificial heart valve and pacemaker)
Last time I had her to the neurologist for her 6 month visit it was a joke. They had tried to test her for her current cognitive ability and the nurse couldn't even finish it because she got so upset, and the tester told me she threw a fit like a 3 year old and she wouldn't finish it. (Yes I am familiar with that) We had to go back and talk to the PA and had written a list of questions and concerns that I had for them to address. I pretty much asked them how can you tell how the patient is doing when your aren't around them? Mom acts like everything is fine and she is doing well. PA just goes along with it and then my mom says why don't you ask her the questions cause she know's it all. ( Very sarcastically). Then the guy says why do you think your mom is unhappy? I tell him my mom had always been high functioning worked for years as an accountant for a large trucking company,and she still thinks she is that same person in her head and resents me or anyone helping her. Guy just nods and says nothing. Mom is getting more upset as we are talking about her. Now she says I am in the room and I can answer my own questions.
I also asked after the appointment to see all of her transcripts of her visits. When I got them and read them you wouldn't believe what he said about that visit. I asked the daughter why she thought her mom was unhappy and you could see by their interaction that they don't have a good relationship and the daughter upsets her mom. Really? This was their educated decision when they see her for 5 minutes. Of course we have a rocky relationship I have to try and bite my tongue all of the time and change the subject about everything. I love my mom but she always makes me feel like I am the idiot and she is right. I don't try to correct her anymore,my hubby says she always treated me like that I just never noticed it before and her personality that is the not so pleasant part has escalated. I just try to stay busy and make sure she has everything she needs.

As far as taking her into the neurology office again, no I don't think so and I told them so in a phone call.
It is worse to take her there cause it gets her upset,she doesn't want to be there, every med they give her makes her more aggressive and then I pay for it with her nastiness and abuse all day. I told them I am not taking her back as it accomplishes nothing but sorrow and they collect their medicare fee and she pays a $35.00 copay for nothing. Take care everyone. I have accepted and lived with the knowledge that it is going to get worse. I hope that it will be a good end for her because she hates living like this too. Take care everyone. My mom is just getting up now so better get to her breakfast.

Omg, I just did something I totally didn't mean to do. As I was scrolling down reading he posts, I inadvertently hit 'report this post'. I don't even know which post it was, but I sincerely apologize to who wrote the post. I guess this ipad is pretty sensitive to touch. I will be more careful in the future.

I feel for you, my mother is delusional without suffering from dementia - it is so draining to be around her. Like pstegman, I’m also puzzled by some doctor’s tactic of telling an elderly patient that they’re doing "really well" when they really aren’t doing well - it reinforces a false sense of security, and, at least in my mother’s case, results in some pretty reckless behavior. I guess it’s probably best not to be brutally honest with someone in his or her twilight years, but it can really escalate unmanageable situations that the caregiver ends up getting stuck dealing with.

First look after yourself
Then accept this is going to get worse not better, there will be a few good days. but slowly it will become harder to cope with her at home.
Do not argue the point, Just murmur that that's OK if you want to think that we are doing it. and then change the subject.
Yes its annoying that they remember some things but not the routine and white coat memory is better than white coat B/p [where it rises when the doc is in the room] Tell the doctors they are not helping and need to be telling your MIL that she is going to need more help. My Ma, ran away from the rest home and so is now in a secure dementia unit where she is happier, as she can putter around and not be challenged, she knows that the high fence is to keep her in, and somehow accepted that. Her focus now is on another resident that she thinks is a prostitute, or a thief, or some other terrible thing, I just change the subject or say I don't want to hear nasty things. The mind is very unfair, and she is aware that she has dreams and nightmares, often of her brothers and mother that she knows are dead, but come visiting her. but the anguish is lessening for her, as she forgets more. I hope you find a 'peace' place for the MIL that suits both of you,

Get her to a neurologist and diagnosed. Some meds can diminish some of these behaviors, but with the dementia diagnosis, you are in for a long haul. Be aware your grandchildren will suffer from these behaviors because they are too young to understand.

We understand what you are going through for sure. Your MIL is relatively young in her 70s, I say this because I have a life long friend who is 79 and just renewed her RN license and is working. Anyhow, this is what happens in my experience of taking care of my mother. Perhaps your MIL is still able to get something out of an Adult Day Center, some interaction with peers and caring staff, a hot meal, some activities, would take some strain off of you and give MIL something new to look forward to and it really does help, I realize that most people don't want to try it at first, the important thing is just to get her there and you would be amazed, they really like it. She is obsessing over you because you are her entire focal point right now. It is not easy I know first hand.

This is difficult for sure. Have you ever considered in-home care, especially with someone who is trained in dealing with dementia? It might free you up from time to time because you need to make sure to take care yourself. Reach out to friends, family and professionals. Don't try to do it all by yourself.

We're in the same boat. We are looking at assisted living for her and I know it will be a struggle because she thinks she is just fine. The doctors don't help when they tell her how she is JUST FINE!!!

Sounds like my Mom.. She says my daughter ignores her and is always checking to see if I'm home.. I just keep reassuring her that I would never leave without telling her.. Ha! She came looking for me as I was typing this! LOL try to remind yourself it's the dementia and she doesn't do it on purpose.