My dad 69 has gout and he don't watch his diet. If we tell him he can't eat certain food, he will scold us. I brought cherry extract for him and he go and find article that someone drink cherry juice and die. So means he think I am trying to kill him? I read that article, it's a ban cherry juice illegal sold at a cheap price. The one I brought for him cost $50 from pharmacy. Every year or two, he will have a severe gout since he never control his diet. Then he will yell all night that we cannot sleep. If the pain don't stop, he will say he want to go hospital (sometimes in the middle of the night, emergency need to wait the entire night). Depends on the doctor, sometimes he will be given pain killer and asked to go home. Sometimes will be hospitalize and do all sort of scan and found nothing (everyday have to visit him). I am very tired to serve him. Feel like I will die before him. Not sure what should I do?
Is there a significant Asian population where you live? Can you find an agency that can provide care services from aides that fall within your ethnic group? That may be easier for your parents to accept, and might enable you to get out on your own.
I found an excellent report on this subject. It's a long read, but you may find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this struggle:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4517686/
Peace be with you on this journey.
OP, I wish you luck with your father and hope you find solutions that will allow you to live a rewarding life as well as fulfilling your obligations to your father as you see them.
States with filial responsibility laws are: Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota.
You need to establish boundaries on what you will do for dad and what you will not. Let him deal with his gout on his own. He is young, you must be in your 40's? Is there a reason you are living with dad? You deserve your own life, go find it.