His anger usually only lasts one day because maybe he realizes the absurdity and he apologizes, but what is the best response in the moment to the situation? Ignore the untrue accusations and his feelings of anger and betrayal? Stand up to him? Deny everything that is untrue? Laugh at the absurdity? I know reasoning doesn’t work well, but some of it does sink in later.
Of course some of this depends on the person and the degree of memory loss. Mine has vascular dementia, and he has a lot of mental capacity still to remember things that happened earlier in the week, but not what the weather is like or things that happened 5 years ago. It seems like random memory loss.
What response have you found that works?
Then lets sit down and talk about this.
Get out a pen and paper and sit down together and start going through all the things you have done and use this opportunity to "divide" memories.
You can start by...I remember when we met...and write down your thoughts about that. He may respond by saying I remember...my first car, first job....and write down his thoughts.
This is also a good way to possibly pull memories that you were not even aware of.
Next time he mentions this you can "divide" the items in the room..get him to name things in the room he "wants".
Some of this you can say...Ok, lets talk about it after lunch, or dinner...
You can laugh about it.
Sometimes you can say...oh, let me think about this and leave the room for a moment.
There were times when my Husband was doing things I would try to distract him from doing and once I just broke out into a laugh..a real belly laugh and for some reason that stopped him in his tracks and he just started laughing as well. And funny thing was that was the first time I had heard him really laugh in quite a while. His mood changed for quite a while. So I would sometimes just laugh for no reason and it did the same thing. (maybe laughter is the best medicine)
But please, I hope this does not hurt your feelings or that you take this seriously even a little. Yes it might hurt for a second but I am sure you know deep down he does not mean what he is saying.
You could go for a ride around the block, take a short walk, or even just go outside for awhile.
Some types of dementia can cause a person to become violent. If this ever happens..even just 1 time you need to consider placement for him.
A very dear friend of mine was seriously hurt by her husband and to this day has physical problems. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back was when she woke up when he had his hand around her neck and a knife in the other hand. She realized then that this could not continue but it was a while before she could get her children to accept the fact that their dad was doing these things.
I always said I would keep my Husband at home as long as it was safe for him and safe for me. This meant any kind of safe. Physical safety was just 1 aspect.
Ok, off my soap box for now.
Just be safe, think about who will care for him if you are injured or worse...and who will care for you..
Once I read a response from a wife when her husband with ALz threatened to kill her said "ok, but let's have lunch first"...then he forgot.
I'm so sorry - it must be sad to have him say this to you.
I believe God will bless you.
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