My 84YO mother has shown signs of dementia for several months, but has remained functional in her home. I live 75 miles away, but we talk twice a week and on Sundays we order groceries over the phone and they are delivered. I noticed at Christmas time things were worse (garbage not taken out, she hadn't bathed, anger then tears). We talked, it was agreed that she would have a "housekeeper"come twice a week after the new year(I had a dementia care-giver waiting in the wings, although she didn't know that). Well, now, mid-January, my mother has "gone around the bend" quickly -- she has locked herself in her home, shut all the blinds in the house. She's paranoid, says I'm a "drug-dealer" that she won't allow in her home, and she doesn't want assistance. The police have done two well-checks and have told me she seemed fine -- house tidy and she spoke very lucidly. I want my mother to stay in her home, and was told by the dementia care givers (who are continuing to try to get back into the home) that I may want to wait to contact adult protective services because once they are involved, their plan for my mother becomes mandated. What has been anyone's experience with adult protective services, good or bad?
The police did go to the right address, did they?
I know 75 miles can be quite a journey, especially in January, and especially in some states; but if it were me I'd want to go round there and do my own assessment. Can you really not?
Social workers come in all stripes. In my personal experience most are knowledgeable, professional and sensible; but for one thing I'm not in the States, and for another how flexible and imaginative they can be does seem often to depend on what resources they have to meet what demand. You may be able to find the equivalent of consumer reviews for APS in your mother's area, with a bit of digging around online. Eliminate the more technicolor horror stories, but see what you can find out about their approach to collaborating with service users and their families.
Are you the Medical POA and POA? If not, I would work on that, too, if possible.
One step at a time. All the best to you and mom!
Good luck to you.
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