This happened yesterday, She lives 30 mins from me. I have medical power of attorney. I get a voicemail from my 89 year old at about 10 pm angry at me because I told my dad that she is looking for a specific lotion that she is not able to find.
Two days before she called me and asked me about finding a lotion that she is looking for no biggie she goes through stages where she tries different products for her skin.
She asked me to look up the info for her. I asked her had she looked it up on her tablet and phone which I got her both, she says that she found them but two of the major stores were out of stock. I had told her earlier in the month about one of the stores being able to order it for her by calling the manager and requesting they order it.
She says ok. I already know that she is not going to do due to the fact that she wants me to do it. I don't do these things for her due to the fact that I went through a whole ordeal with a heating pad figuring out which one is best for her, paying for it having it shipped to her house, her missing the package by being out of the house even though the doctor told her not to be, then actually calling the company and cancelling the order that I paid for since "Im not going to run behind them to get a package". She felt that was completely fine and got angry when I questioned her about it saying "what was I supposed to do". ummm stay and home and get the package.
I am rebuilding a relationship with my dad she is also he is about 1700 miles away from us and remarried in 1996. We have been communicating by text and he is stepping up. He asked would she use something if I sent it to her I told him it would just be sitting there so he told me to let him know what he should get her. I told him I would think and let him know.
Flash forward about a week later she stats talking about the lotion so I message him with the link to the lotion and say that she has been looking for it. He says thanks and that he will send it to her. I call and leave her a message stating that I talked to him he found the lotion and that he will be sending it to her I have classes to teach so I will call you in the morning.
While I was teaching I noticed that she is calling me which is odd because usually she is always busy or doesn't call me while in class she didn't leave a message until the last time at 10pm once I got done with class. I listen to the message and she tells me that "I didn't tell you to have your dad send me, lotion I can buy my own lotion, I'm going to call him right now and tell him not to.
It took me aback because I wasn't trying to make it seem like she couldn't afford the lotion she just couldn't find it. I texted my dad and he says that he she has always been like this and to just tell him and not worry about telling her.
I let him know that it wasn't my intention to make her mad and that when it's convenient she wants help but when she feels it is a problem then it's the end of the world we are talking about 10 dollar lotion not a trip to Paris.
I haven't spoke to her this happens yesterday and I haven't called her I wanted to be able to speak with a clear mind because I feel like I want him to handle the situation like I told him I don't and won't deal with unnecessary stress and will just focus on her safety and well being from now on. My question is what would be a good way to approach this when I talk with her because I know that she is going to spin it to make it seem like I am the worst person for something very innocent. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Stop being the middleman between your grandmother and your father. Unless it's truly a medical issue, let them work it out. Enabling is disabling. Go live your life.
I did finally learn to just stop. Last time it happened I told him I was sorry, and it wouldn’t happen again. Then, a few days later he tries the same old stunt. I handed him a piece of paper with the phone number on it. I told him I would not be placing that call, and walked away.
each time there after, same response from me, hand him a paper with the contact info on it and walk away.