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I lost my job in April 2014, had to move in with a friend of mine, who at that time was working overseas, he also lost his job in Feb 2015, when i moved in, i had to look after his mom, who is 84, as she had series of mini steokes and also dementia. I take care of her, do the cooking, cleaning, ironing, shopping, laundry, run errands for them both. When i moved in i had just received my pension from the company i was dismissed from, i bought a car and a foodtrailer as means of income, but after a year and six months had to sell the foodcar, as i just dont have the time to continue with it as i am looking after his mom, and doing all the other things as well. Also when i moved in, i paid R50 000 to have the roof of the backroom fixed as it had rain damage and leaking, and i had to fix it in order to store my furniture there, after a bit more than a year, i moved out, but within 2 months i was back, continuing to do everything. I dont have the use of the fixed room now for storage and had to store my furniture at my parents house in a garage, its getting damaged there with water and also rat infestation. So i have "paid" and "lost" the money i spent to store my things in the room i paid to have fixed. I hardly get time for visiting my kids saw my kids in December 2015, and see my family maybe once a month on a saturday, provided i take the elderly lady with me when i go visit. Her other son and daughter refuses to look after their mother, even for a couple of hours. I often feel like i have no life and i cannot leave her on her own. She refuses to go to a care centre, as we also have no money for that. She receives a small state pension, and i am honestly to my wits end here. We are battling to keep head above water, as both her son and I are still rmployed, but get no help from the siblings. Her son asked me to find out what my remuneration package would be, in order for me to arrange a meetingwith her other two children, as i have been doing this now for almost three years now. I love the lady and dont want to dissapoint her and leave her to own devices as nobody else are willing to look after her. I buy food and prepare all meals, but not paying rent as i am taking care of her. Could you plase advise on what i could tell them with regards to my salary package? Thank you

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Ask for the minimum wage in the area where you live, for actual hours of caring for her. That means feeding, dressing, bathing and transporting. Sorry but cooking, shopping, laundry and cleaning you do no matter where you live. Then deduct your share of the rent and utilities and food.
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Good Luck. The only people that think we should be compensated are the caregivers. Everyone else has their hand out. Watch the resentment you will have to deal with if you actually put a number to what you do. I priced around to hire someone to do what I do.(minimum wage is not what they get) I used that number...the S***T hit the fan, no conversation just a lot of guilt play...now we are truly alone...sad but true in my case
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Sorry, you don't get a "salary". You are paid "room and board", and if you moved in without a written contract, you are up a creek. Never do anything without a contract when it comes to patient care. Either stay and help out, or move out and live your own life. You have two choices.
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she's not your mother....why are you there giving up your life??? don't you have anywhere else you can go??
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Your situation is heartbreaking--you paid THEM $50k to fix THEIR roof? And they don't pay you for your care of them.

Hm, no talk of a contract so I bet this was all "between friends"....and that can get sticky.

I worked Elder Care for a few years, for an agency, so they took the lion's share of whatever they were billing out. I made $8.50. After a year I got a 50 cent raise. Along the way, the family "tipped" me every month , as mom got harder and harder to care for. I still was making only about $12 an hour.

When we had paid private care for daddy, it was $20 an hour. Even that didn't seem like enough. It's that hard on the caregive.

Honestly, this isn't your family, you are being taken advantage of in a big way and you should probably get out.

The difference between "service" which can be wonderfully rewarding and "servitude" which can be demeaning and depressing--is only a heartbeat apart. Service uplifts us, servitude drowns us.
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Personally-I think you deserve anything she can afford. I care for a 92 year old mother with Alzheimers 24/7 (no other siblings are willing to help) and at my age it is more difficult. My life is basically sacrificed for hers-and no, I don't feel wonderful that I am "giving back" like the ridiculous drug commercials portray in their warm and fuzzy ads. Alzheimers is a very difficult, depressing disease to live with. I have already told my daughter to definitely put me in a nursing home if I develop dementia-a quality of life situation I would not choose for myself or my children. I have priced out the cost of getting some 'respite' care and it is very high. $500-600 for 24 hours of mostly companion care to get away for just one day and night. I haven't found an assisted or nursing home that have availability for a week or two and that would cost thousands of dollars out of pocket. I read she would need a doctor's referral to get it, but her doctor was like 'good luck with that!." Dementia care in an assisted living is around $4,000+ and nursing care is around $5-6,000 a month. I can't really put a price on the cost to my own mental and physical health and the toll this is taking on my family and relationships. The financial cost is what I am basically saving the taxpayers and the government-for each month I keep her off medicaid and out of a nursing home. And yet, YES, in the event I start the Medicaid process, they will want receipts etc. for every penney. And require that I have a written caregiving agreement with my mother stating what I should be paid. I understand there can be good reason to 'protect' the elders from financial abuse, but she is getting better care then she would in a $10.000 a month private facility. It is so skewed at times. I would rather have my life and freedom back than any amount of money 'others' would agree to.
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I am an LPN, I lost my job 4 years ago. Also 4 years ago, I was forced to file for guardianship for mom, because she has audio hallucinations as part of her dementia. She had been committed 3 times, and eventually she would have been put in a state facility. It cost 90K for 9 months of the facility and attorney fees for the state and ours. I own my own condo, but taxes are 8,800 a year here in NJ. Mom receives SSA and small pension of $1400.00 a month. I am struggling paying my taxes and maintenance fees etc. I cannot sell because we are transitioning in my 55 community and will take a 50K hit. I am on NJ Health insurance and have been recently diagnosised with breast cancer. Can I receive any money for taking care of mom. Things over the last 4 years are very difficult, and I kept 10K to bury her. Any advice? My doctor said I should go to SSA office, and she will fill out any paperwork if needed. But disability takes approx. 3 years. This is the toughest job I have even had, I took a great job in FEB, 25 miles away, and mom had another CVA as the caretaker never showed up that day. I am at a brick wall for awhile now! Help!
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Riana67, I noted you wrote R50 000 which tells me you live in South Africa.... Correct? Thus, you paid over $3,000 US dollars to fix the roof of a friend's house. Sounds like the friend didn't pay you for the cost of the repairs.

This situation isn't stable, too many things could change even if you were able to finally start receiving a salary. The family might think down the road since you worked for zero pay, why should they pay you now. They see you as needing a roof over your head.

Make it a lesson learned to first have a signed contract [how many hours per week you will work, and the hourly rate] before doing this again. I say, cut your losses and go back to your family.
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Never do anything without a contract when it comes to....it is shocking when you encounter "I never...."
Quoting one of my favorite contributors to knowledge network groups
Attorney at law Kevin P. Keane:
"agreements not reduced to writing, are NOT worth the paper they ain't written on."
Also always look at "Frail Elder Waivers" ....
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Here is an article that I found on the Aging Care website regarding caregiver contracts... at the end of the article is a sample of a contract.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm
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