What steps must I take immediately after my mother passes?

Artist69, how does one feel prepared for the end of life of a parent? You cannot fully. Hospice should be supportive of this time now.

Cremation or medical donation are options for burial. You have honored her life by caring for her.

On your personal circumstances, it may be a time of this pandemic that buys you time since evictions are held at bay. Hire out the downsizing of belongings as it will be burdensome to do this alone. Rent out a room or space as storage if you have to temporarily. If your son can accommodate you, I suggest you both set up an agreement that it is for a set period of time. Hopefully, he can be supportive of your grieving. I suggest you build your savings of your SS during this time. Sign up immediately for your local senior housing waitlist as well as other areas.
Let us know how it goes..

Artist69 - if you are renting and there's no money or assets (think house), then there should not be anything you would have to pay back to Medicaid. I think AlvaDeer was referring to that, but there IS an exception for adult children who live in the home for 2 or more years providing the care.

If she's in a NH and is denied (why would they?), you can appeal. If she passes before the approval and gets approved, they *should* cover it. If the deny, hopefully you didn't sign anything saying you'd be responsible.

If she's living with you, then Medicaid shouldn't be looking for anything, esp if they haven't approved anything yet.

I hear you on the inability to cover life's necessities with so little SS. Unfortunately it is based on your working years and income. Thankfully my mother and father had saved money and I was able to preserve it to pay for MC. The SAD part is when I have to report how I used her SS funds, I report it ALL went to housing and food, which it did. It covered less than 15% of the cost. Pension was also applied fully. The balance and any necessities were covered by the assets I could preserve. Her SS was pretty minimal - no way would it ever cover rent AND food.

Twice now I have received a letter back from SS asking for explanation why her funds were only used for housing and food. Last year I wrote quite a bit, including the response that her SS funds would NOT have been enough to pay rent anywhere, much less food, gallivanting, buying lots of new items AND going on vacation! I also mentioned that mom was 96 at the time, almost deaf, in a wheelchair, with dementia - where did they think she was going, New Zealand?

Of course they sent the same stupid letter this year. My response is going to be even more strident, as she just passed and I really don't need their platitudes or stupid forms. I had already done the 2020 report, so they can wait.

Oh, by the way, for any/all who aren't aware, you won't get the final month's SS. It is paid a month after, like working a week and getting paid the next week, For example, if someone passes mid-Jan, they won't get a Feb payment (if it comes through, DON'T spend it, they WILL take it back!!!), even though that Feb payment is for Jan.

I knew this was coming, and the same thing happened with mom's pension, but it still sucks they do this, because the person will still have expenses for that month! They should pro-rate the payment, rather than denying it. We get no partial refund of mom's rent, which the pension and SS cover about 1/2 of. I find this reprehensible. My last job was initially monthly pay. Can you imagine working for 2 weeks, then passing, and having the company say 'Gee, your LO didn't finish working all month, so we're not going to pay'? In the case of the elderly, we all have enough on our plate, and perhaps extra bills for them, and they pull the rug out from under you at the worst possible time.

I do plan to go back to my post about gov't plans to assist care-givers. I am VERY disappointed to see only 2 people followed my link to it. It would be NICE to get this out to ALL caregivers, so they can contact their Congressional reps/senators. In addition to contacting my reps about this, I plan to mention this taking of the final payment. Many people will NEED that to cover costs! There was enough to cover costs for my mother, but I feel for those like OP who have no other income and struggle to take care of her mother while having homelessness loom over her! Oh, let's not forget selling the home - it jacks up the income, so Medicare levies a penalty on you and you pay MORE that year they "review" (should be 2 years after the sale) for Medicare! Mom's share was not that much, but enough. The first stimulus got shorted too, because the 2019 taxes were electrons passing in the void when the payment came through, and they used that previous year, so she got less than half of it (we file for it this year, to recoup the rest.)

see post under this

Seems Mom does not own her home. Even if getting Medicaid for any reason, she has no assets to pay it back. So you have nothing to worry about. Children are not responsible for parents debts.

Alvadeer. Thank you for your kind suggestions. Did you mention in your message my mother would have to repay Medicaid? I'm trying to get her qualified but I think it's really too late for that to happen now that she's so close to passing. She has medicare but they only seem to cover medical services. I'm 70 years old and worked approx 16 years a go off and on due to circumstances. I may get on a wait list for senior housing once I've fulfilled my duties with my mother. Yes I feel desperate and often depressed but my faith has carried me through this journey. I just have to daily remind myself of the millions of others also doing this work. Prayer and daily biblical verses are very comforting as well. God bless you.

Start by not wasting money on a burial. Cremate Mom or donate her body.

Please don't use Craigslist for ANYTHING, but especially not to find a roommate. I've had every lunatic and loser in Colorado hassle me each time I've tried to sell anything on that site and as a woman alone, you do not want to invite trouble to your front door. If you want to sell a bunch of furniture and personal belongings, call an Estate Sale company in your area to hold a sale for you on the premises or on an online auction where the audience is larger and the proceeds will be greater.

See if you can find a roommate thru the local church or senior center or ask hospice for resources. Also ask friends and have your son put the word out as well.

Wishing you the best of luck with everything that's going on.

It’s really hard to plan or think when you are so focused on the present with your mom. In some states Medicaid provides burial assistance—it’s not much but it can help a little. In essence you are starting over and you may need to think of options you didn’t know about or hadn’t considered. If you google apartments in_____ wherever you live, you may be surprised at what’s out there. If your area is totally crazy expensive like California another option might be sharing a house. There may be someone your age looking for the same—look on Craigslist. Is there a community nearby that would be less expensive? If you think it would help maybe your son could go with you for a second opinion. When I had to downsize at age 65 I started contemplating what I wanted to take with me and what I was okay with to let go—sell, donate or giveaway. Then when it was time to move I was clearheaded and not mourning things that had surrounded me. What was most important to me? Senior housing isn’t the only option. Good luck!

So sorry for your difficult journey. Funerals and burial services are both outrageously expensive. Here in Florida, I was able to get a Direct Cremation (no viewing or funeral service) for both my parents, one in 2018 and the other in 2020. It is the most economical option there is (other than whole body donation to medical science, then they pay for the cremation.) Each one was around $900, not including the county fee for the death certificates or the cost of an urn. They do give you the ashes back in a plain white box if you choose to scatter them.
It sounds like there is no home ownership if you are paying rent. Are there any other assets being left to you? The only thing I can think of is to look into HUD/low income housing where the rent is based on your income (in this case SS benefit.) I wish you luck and Fair Winds and Following Seas.

Providing answers to AlvaDeer's questions will be helpful.

Regarding burial, there may be charitable funds in your state that help with this expense. Do your belong to a church or faith organization? Please contact the admin with your needs.

Section 8 housing is available to those in financial needs: contact social services online for your county (Dept of Health and Human Services).

Contact your area's Agency on Aging for resources.

Start selling the furniture you don't need on craigslist.org or Nextdoor.com or FaceBook Marketplace. You can advertise selling all of it in bulk for a single price which would make the process easier. Please do some online research to make sure you are getting reasonable value out of the items.

I wish you success in bettering your situation and peace in your heart as you journey with your mother on hospice.

First, I am sorry for what you are going through and facing. It's a lot for sure. Can you not have your mom cremated, instead of burying her? Cremation is so much less expensive(I had my husband cremated 4 months ago for about $1100.) I would then get your name on the list for a government subsidized senior apartment in your area, and if there is a waiting period, hopefully living with your son or relative will be but a temporary situation. As far as your furniture, you will most likely have to put it in storage, until you get a place of your own.
Right now though, just try to enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom, as that is most important. Things will all work out, as they should. Please don't forget that God has everything under control. God bless you for taking care of your mom until the end.

Dear Artist69 - I’m sorry that your Mom is failing and for the circumstance you find yourself in.

Try sharing your predicament with the social worker from hospice as she may have resources for you. I can only imagine that others have found themselves in similar circumstances.

If you belong to a church, try reaching out to the priest, pastor or minister as the church community may be able to help somehow.

In addition, I have heard that in some states and areas rent is being deferred due to the pandemic. I’m sorry that I don’t know the details, but maybe you would qualify.

Have you considered bringing in a roommate to contribute to the rent? Possibly one of the several people you mentioned that currently live in your relative’s home? Maybe one would like to move out of that congested living arrangement and move in with you?

Best wishes to you at this difficult time.

Is this your Mom's home you are living in? Will your Mom be leaving this home to you? Has she been on Medicaid so she will have that to pay back at death? Does she have other assets she will be leaving you?
You will not have to leave the home at once. The funeral should be down to a cremation as that is likely what you can afford.
Did you leave a job to care for Mom and sell a home of your own? Often forum sees people who leave jobs and homes to care for elders end just here, jobless without a history of working and homeless.
I can't think of a way to help you other than to wait and see what assets you may have on Mom's passing if she owned her home; she may not have as you say you cannot pay the rent. You don't mention your age. I would suggest you call your area Agency on Aging. Look it up online. Tell them your circumstances, and your Mom's, and ask for any help or guidance they may be able to give you.
Ask Hospice for guidance on any Funeral Services that are very low cost in your area. Explain your circumstances to them. They have counsel, clergy, social workers, and I suggest you access any and all for help now, and guidance about what best to try in your own area.
I am so sorry. You must feel very desperate.