She was in her 40s, we are in our late 50s and early 60s. Retired 5 years ago, she feels we have plenty of time. She panics when you mention a nursing home because her mother passed after 3 months in one but had a stroke and didn’t speak English. Her apartment is starting to look like a hospital ward. We are getting tired and burned out but she is very good at the guilt trips. If she was healthy, no issue but has advancing dementia and can only walking short distances. She is also incontinent and her legs are getting weaker and weaker. My sister is her live in caregiver but she is starting to have health issues herself
Alternatively, has your family considered a live in aide? Part time aide? Cleaning help? And any other assistance that will make this all easier on all of you.
I think you need to let your mom know you're senior citizens yourself. But if she has increasing dementia, she won't get it and won't want to get it. You have to do what is right for you all.
Get her where she can have professional care that doesn't take you "kids" down with her. She won't like it, but we don't always get what we want. I'm sure you heard that phrase from her as a child. We get what we need and what is best for us. Getting care that doesn't deplete her children is what is the right thing to do. Just be sure to select a place that has memory care. She might turn out to love it since she'll be around others her age.