My husband has Alzheimer's and has been 6 months in LTC. He has a girlfriend and they sit and hold hands. It didn't bother me too much at the beginning ( 2 months ago). He was happy and it must have been comforting to have a friend. It really upset his daughter. Now this woman is becoming very possessive when I am around. She comes over to where we are sitting and there is a lot of kissing going on. I was there on the weekend and she came over and I said in a loud voice " NO KISSING!". My stepdaughter, who was with me said to her "do you know who she is?" This woman went up like a firecracker, yelling and swearing at me. The nurses shuffled her off to her room. What do I do about the situation? Should I insist no kissing in front of me? The nurses said if I am around they would take her off somewhere.
Your grieving for the loss of your husband has already begun but there is no need to have your nose rubbed in it by this woman. It isn't even about harming her. It's not anything personal against her. It's not about jealousy or any of that stuff. It's about protecting yourself. There was a time that I always put everyone before myself. I cared so much for other's feelings that I neglected my own well being. It took me a long time to learn to protect myself and learn that I had equal value.
I'm so sorry you're going through such a thing, on all levels. The disease is brutal enough, and then to have to put up with 'another woman' is a bit much, really. But if she brings him comfort, that's the real benefit, right?
Sending you a hug and a prayer that everything works out.
And what of our young grandchildren. What would I be teaching them?
Friends is one thing. Encouraging “liasons” is another.
She is not comforting him.. She is taking advantage of his weakness and however much she or he does not understand, it is ABUSE and the nursing home should be held liable.
Where is JCAHO and the ombudsman ?
When this occurred in my mom’s residence the contact was terminated, and since the floor my mother was on had many units and gathering sites, it was possible to keep people separate, and THAT THEY DID!
No problem for my mom, who often talked about her second husband (who didn’t exist) and was in no hurry for her third.
balababe, you do what will make YOU comfortable. Be pleasant but firm. Let the staff handle it because that’s what they’re paid to do Or SHOULD do.
He makes her feel safe, though. My father was her protector for 66 years, so when he became the one to go first, she was lost without him. Dan the Invisible Man brings her comfort, so now we go along with it.
Im sorry.
I am sorry that you are going through this. My grandmother had a husband in her NH and my grandfather was not okay at all, he didn't understand it was her broken brain. It did provide her comfort while it lasted, less than a year if memory serves me correctly.
different things - ask that the other woman be else where when you visit.
I am curious... if you don’t mind me asking - what does your husband make of this? Having a wife and a girlfriend in the same room - does he still have the ability to understand the awkwardness of it all?
If you’d rather not say more about it - I totally understand.
For both your sake tell the staff when you plan to visit so they can keep the woman from intruding.
I was glad to read you are now enjoying life on your own. Wishing you all the best.
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