The Only Child of a Mentally Ill Mother. My mother is at the point when her physical frailty is noticeable but she's still able to do most things by herself. She gets around by Access or Dial-A-Ride. However, she is mentally ill and I have very low income. I don't know what to do when she will need a caregiver, because she is too toxic to be around, and I don't know enough about her financial affairs to be able to apply for IHSS. I have no siblings, no spouse, no significant other, no kids, and other family members want nothing to do with her. I feel absolutely alone in all this. What am I going to do when my mom really needs help?
My parents were mostly great, but some of my dear friends have had awful horrible parents, and I have seen what damage that does. Do not accept being trapped by guilt. You need to expend your energy caring for yourself, or for other people who will be grateful to you and will benefit from your efforts. She never helped you to learn what decent treatment you are entitled to. Listen to us, and make yourself the deserving focus of your own caretaking.
As for the toxic relationship between you and your mom, you may be left with no other choice but to simply walk away and leave her behind. Sometimes things are so toxic they become dangerous and walking away is sometimes the only choice. I had to do this with my abusive bio parents, and they were faced to suffer the consequences later. When they started ailing in age related decline, I was nowhere to be found and no one was looking for me. I was in a life-threatening situation with my parents and CPS rescued me at age 13. This is why my abusers suffered the consequences later in life when they didn't even have grandkids and I'm the only one who could've given them that. Sometimes when parents mistreat their kids they don't realize the dire consequences they'll face later when their own kids become parents and they deny grandparent rights to protect the grandkids. Sometimes you just have to leave a relationship to protect you and your household especially if there are children involved. It's the children who will suffer the most, you just have to do what's rightfully the best thing to do.
I'm sure at some point your mom will definitely slip up and something will happen that will trigger the proper authorities to get involved. Your mom is an adult, and I'm assuming so are you. I think you have your answer just in your description when you mention your mom being too toxic to even be around. This is a strong hint to just walk away and move on and let the state deal with her. Just let whatever happens happen. Something will eventually happen and the state will step in
Now if your Mom owns a house, Medicaid could possibly place a lien on the house, so when the house is sold, the equity will help reimburse Medicaid.