Today while I was at work, I periodically check my cameras to see how mom is doing. Meanwhile, on the camera I noticed that my brother was at the house with my niece, telling my mother that my niece needs the $200 a month allowance that was going on prior to me taking over the financial durable power of attorney. I heard him tell my mother who has memory loss and slight dementia that I need to write them a check and it's none of my business what I say about it because it's for her grand daughter. I never kept any of her money from the grand kids, until I found out that they are using my niece to get money for them. I have explained to my mother what was going on in the past and she would agree with me at the time. But, it becomes a different story afterwards. As though I personally don't want my niece to receive money. I don't want to upset my mother, but my brother is manipulating and has taken my mothers savings and I couldnt do anything since he was a co-owner of the account. I closed that account and got my mother a new one that they can't touch. What should I do?
1. How old is this granddaughter? If she's of working age, is she working, and if not, why not?
2. Has anyone ever raised the issue of providing help in exchange for being paid?
One of the aspects of humans that really irritates me are people who feel they're entitled to funding, w/o doing anything to earn it.
3. If the granddaughter (and I'm assuming she) is of age to work, or do chores, make a list of tasks she can perform in order to earn money. From what I read, there are a lot of entry level jobs than inexperienced people can get, learn, and leverage.
It really irks me when people expect others to support them, or provide assistance, w/o providing anything in return or attempting to be self supporting.
OTOH, there are predators; most of us probably know that, and they do prey on the vulnerable.
Besides good advice already from others, one thing you can consider is filing for a PPO (Personal Protection Order) against your brother to prevent him from exploiting a vulnerable adult. We got a PPO just by meeting with an attorney working at the county courthouse specifically for this function. Judge signed off but with a few changes.
A PPO can prohibit all contact (phone, e-mail, etc.) but can also prevent someone from coming within a certain radius of personal property, i.e., your brother could be prevented from coming within, say, 300' of your home (and your mother's residence) or from calling, writing or otherwise pestrering her.
When my brother had a diagnosis of early Lewy's Dementia he made me his POA. I went to the banks with my POA papers and got put on the accounts as the only one to write checks on those accounts in his name with me as POA and all checks were written by me. Same with his Trust. We then made a spending account for my brother's personal use. An account with some few thousand in it. Are you and your Mother aware of what gifting does to the lookback for medicaid, for the possibility of her GETTING medicaid assistance should she need it in future?
If you are not aware of how to manage your POA, of how all this works, you must be. JoAnn is correct. There are rules. Either you are in charge of Mom's funds or SHE is. There cannot be too many chefs managing the same bills and accounts. If Mom is not having dementia, and you are not in charge of the accounts, then you cannot make decisions about them. Please see an elder law attorney or the head banker at your Mom's bank. You are paid for this through your Mom's funds in bank.
You also need to know how to keep files and meticulous records if/when you are in charge of your Mom's money and her accounts and her bills. This is something that can't be all over the place. It is an either/or thing. Either Mom does the money (her own) and the bills and makes the decisions or you do.
If you caught your brother doing this send him a "legal letter" written that he is not to approach your Mother for money, and that he will be charged with elder abuse if he does so again, that you are her POA and he is to come to YOU for any needs or face charges. Make it strong and make it clear or he may wipe her out before you can act.
If your Mom is, however, not demented? Then whether you have POA or not she is still able to, under the law, make her own decisions. Make it clear to her the repercussions of giving her money away when she may need it.
You are POA. You have serious obligations here, and it's a very tough job. I wish you good luck.
You need to stand up to brother. Tell him Moms money is for her care and bills. That there is no reason for any grandparent to be giving an "allowance" to a grandchild or a child unless rich which your Mom isn't. Tell brother that he is just going to need to live on what he brings in and daughter needs to get a job.
Good you are getting a lawyer.
FYI if you become her PoA you are under NO legal obligation to tell this to your brother, or share any of her financial or medical info with him. The less he knows, the better. He will have to hire an attorney to force your mother to divulge who the PoA is. Also, if he is left alone with your mother and she doesn't have a diagnosis of impairment in her medical records, he could very easily convince her to make HIM her PoA, and it would be legal. Paying the attorney is well worth the protection for your mother.
Mom was okay doing her normal routine of watering the yard, as I began to look at the camera video recording, My brother threatened my mother to make me write checks, and then I saw my niece whispered to her dad, then she began record my mother frantically looking in her purse, yet he kept telling her, no no you need to tell Linda. That got me so enraged that I called him immediately and told him I am going to an attorney and file charges on him for elder financial abuse, what kept me from doing earlier is my mother didnt want to have the family in turmoil but I am so done and the scare I felt helpless at work. We are selling our house and moving so that I can caretake her myself.