I feel like my mind is gone. My mother has been an alcoholic for 14 years. I have taken care of her off and on for the past 16 years.
She went to jail for the first time in 2010, 2012, 2015, and 2017. Had a heart attack in 2014 from pretend mice. I came took her back with me out of State. She was released from jail September 11, 2017. While she was there she became combative and was briefly sent basically to a nut house. She has not been officially been diagnosed with dementia according to her. I was only allowed to visit her once during the time in psych hospital. Only one nurse was kind enough to tell me she had moderate to severe dementia. They will not release the records from her stay in August of 2017. When I picked her up from jail they made me sign for her medicines but would not tell me what they were for at the time. Just that if I didn't sign for them they wouldn't give them to me. So I signed. She has seen her general doctor many times. He has increased medicines as needed. I agreed to stay in Indiana to take care of her, while my husband is in S.C. We have a home in both states my husband works a lot to pay for both as we have loans. The reason I didn't take her back to S.C. is because this time was different she was paranoid someone was going to kill me and just didn't think it a good idea to drive 700 plus miles with someone that was acting like her. I thought it would get better. But it didn't my children tried to get me not to pick her up from jail. But I had too. I didn't understand how far gone she is and was.... We make our first visit to a Neurologist on Tuesday if I make it that long. She has trouble swallowing now, can not put a coherent sentence together most of the time, potties on herself and doesn't tell me, talks to people that are not there. I laid her phone off the hook because she was telling me she talks with people on the phone. I see signs of her still being there then they are gone. The other day she didn't recognize me. What questions should I ask the neurologist and has anyone else experienced this kind of rapid decline? I just know if they tell me to take her back home with me Tuesday, I will probably run or just start screaming. I'm at my wits end. My husband keeps threatening to quit his job and come to me. A. We have to pay the bills. We have a home there. He can hear it in my voice that I can't do this anymore! Please help. Crying as I am typing this so please forgive any mistakes in spelling or putting sentences together.
You want the State to take over your mom's care. You want to resign your POA and allow the State to get guardianship. She needs to be in a psychiatric facility. This is not a job for even a very loving daughter, which you clearly are. This is a job for mental health professionals.
She has been in jail for slashing tires, fighting and cutting someone, the last one was an assault on my daughter and trying to burn the place down next door. Which is a small trailer that I own. Her boyfriend was renting from me at the time. His parents where upset and he moved. I allowed this even though he was in a lease. I understood their concern. Cops caught her trying to light the matches. She said later it was to see if they worked. When they tried to arrest her she attacked them with a knife. But all was dropped down to nothing like it was with every other case. They released her on her own because I wouldn't bail her out this last time.
She has money in the bank don't know how much roughly about 20,000 or maybe more. That is all the assets she has is the money in the bank.
How do I get her into a nursing home. She worked in one when she was young woman. She quite because they were mean to old people. That seems to be one of the memories she has kept. She would not go without a fight.
My husband is older just turned 65. We are trying to sale that home so he can come here in Indiana. But I need to go there to help him.
I'm hoping they will put her in the hospital on Tuesday and from there into a nursing home. She thinks we steal from the things she loses. My daughter lives with me now and it hardly ever home. She is afraid of her grandmother. I can't blame her after what happened. My kids where right I should have never went and got her. But again I had to be sure...She will not allow me to leave home without her. If I'm outside for very long she comes to the door screaming for me. I have 5 acres to mow. She threatens to kill my little poodles that are 10 and 5. My kids have basically said see you later mom. You didn't listen so we don't care. Did get my daughter to go with me the other day. Was going to buy her something for her 21st birthday. Mom went with us as she could not be left alone. She got tired. So I stopped to buy her soda pop at the grocery store that was one sale before we could go home. My daughter stayed in the car with her. She had refused to go into the store because of being tired. She got out of the car and started telling people that someone had taken me and she needed help finding me. My daughter was out begging her to get back inside the vehicle and people were packing groceries fast just to get into there car and get away from her.
So what should I tell the doctors on Tuesday. Thanks for even answering me. Sometime I feel so sick that my heart is just going to stop.
Have you ever known anyone that declined so fast? She was with me until the beginning of May 2017. She seemed fine. Except her normal rudeness and mouse problem. Then she got back into the place she lives in and started drinking again. When she would get into trouble they put her on non reporting probation. So she would go back to S.C. with me to stay out of trouble. I have 3 other sisters they don't care. I don't even know where they live.
"Doctor, my mother has lifelong psychiatric issues, is an alcoholic and has been in and out of jail for the past ten years. For the sake of my mental and physical health, she needs to be placed somewhere where her needs can be seen to. Can you help me with that?"
I am not sure why you mother has been in jail so often, but it sounds like she needs fulltime care. Whether her behaviour is related to alcoholism, long term mental health issues, newer dementia issues, she is not acting 'normally'.
She may well need residential care, ie. a nursing home. You definitely need help. It does not sound like it is safe for you to be with her.
You have not mentioned if you or anyone else has POA for finances or healthcare. Do you really want this job?
Have you contacted the local Agency for Aging to find out what support is available. Is you mother eligible for Medicare/Medicaid?