Aunty had a third stroke about 3 weeks ago. She is still in the hospital and will be discharged in four days. It was a mini-stroke that was only picked up when my cousin the nurse noticed that Aunty's speech was slurred and she called the doctor. She was still recovering from the hip surgery. She was allowed to go to 11-year-old's graduation last week, and tomorrow is his big party that his parents are throwing for him to celebrate passing to middle school. Hospital is letting her go, but we have to bring her back by a certain time. She was unhappy about having to do therapy before leaving for the party but I said that at least they are letting her go, and she agreed. Now when she comes back home, everything starts all over again. ...the physical therapy, occupational therapy, and I think speech therapy and nursing services too.I was beginning to ease up on some of my caregiving duties, but now I have to increase too; I have to stay home to let the therapists and nurses in, take care of her, etc. I'm not sure about 11-year old's plans for the summer; i.e., his mom is looking into some camps for him but I don't know if I am involved in any of the babysitting, picking up/dropping off, etc. or watching his baby brother. , POA cousin is helping with transportation and running errands, so there is a sense of obligation there with the kids.I was planning on visiting my older sister who lives out of town this summer, but I guess that's out now. I also had a regular summer volunteer job at a day camp that I loved. ..can't do that either. I have to wait and see what happens with the therapists' schedules and work around them.
I look at it like I am in jail, and I don't know when I will get out - but I WILL - when my loved one goes to heaven. So I look forward to my freedom some day, and I try to prepare for it. I exercise, eat right, stay healthy, and I am working on preparing for a new career that will be only possible when my Mother is gone.
In the meantime, I do the best I can. I take time out for myself, I am honest with myself and my Mom. I draw boundaries. I just keep on keeping on. Someday I will be free again, and in the meantime, I chose to do this so I must take responsibility for the situation I find myself in. I do what I can to improve it, and I ignore or down play what I cannot change. Accept what I cannot change, as the serenity prayer says.
I ask myself when my life will begin, but more earnestly, what will be left of me when this is over? As I am caregiving, I am getting older. I am getting stiff and sore and lame. So far, I am holding it together mentally but physically, I can feel myself getting older. So, if and when I am ever "free," what will I be able to enjoy of life? Travel? That would be nice but I am beginning to doubt it.
You need to find people to relieve you now!!!! I got my courage up this year and asked my husband's son to stay with him while I take my grandchildren on a trip. He was happy to do it. He is coming to PA from CA for one week. Isn't that nice? I am very grateful to him.
Does Auntie have relatives who can relieve you?
As for the babysitting, it was disingenuous of the family to expect that Auntie was going to be able to handle that just as she always had done, they knew perfectly well in reality it was you doing the caregiving there, not Auntie. Just give them the dates you are going to be away and tell them to make other arrangements. There should be lots of high school age kids available who would like to pick up a few dollars this summer.
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