We have been caring for my husband's Mom for two years. She has dementia, is 88 and recently broke her hip. We have very minimal care that comes in the home to help and she is no longer able to go to adult daycare. I have been a huge advocate in making sure she has quality of life and it has been our mission to honor that but, it’s really taking a significant toll on my husband's mental well being and I continue to tell him, he and my son are my first priority and we need to do what is best for us. I am not sure any longer that it we are capable of giving her the care she needs and not at the price of my husbands health or mental capacity.
Dementia is progressive & care needs do increase as time goes on so it is sensible to re-view the plan when things change.
If Mother cannot stay home alone in the day since the # hip & cannot attend adult day care, then someone must stay with her all day. This is a significant change. To provide daytime supervision, either;
A. more paid aides
B. a family member becomes a full-time carer
C. it's time for residential care
We are dealing with similar in my family too. Option A. was chosen & worked ok for a while but not anymore due to difficulty of managing services/sometimes not available/staff turnover/needing more care. No-one able for option B. Therefore option C. it needs to be.
Have a good chat with your DH & make a new plan that suits you all.
Quality of life? Whose? Many elderly thrive in assisted living.
Why are you feeling guilty? You have done much more than most.