I am struggling with knowing the best time to put my mom in a care facility. My mom is 81 and has dementia, strokes and we've seen additional cognitive decline recently.
She had a stroke 4 years ago. She did okay at first some mobility issues on the right side. I feel like I'm waiting for some epiphany, a sign to know exactly when to do this. I'm worried about running out of money too soon. I'm worried about her being upset about me moving her out of her house. We currently live together her, myself and my son. She hasn't started wandering yet but she's starting to forget who we are and it scares me. Can anybody give me an idea of knowing when or just tell me there's never going to be a good time? I am at a loss and I've never done this before.
Only you will be able to decide when you can no longer give adequate safe care to her on a 24/7 basis if it is needed. You see it coming and feel it coming; I can only advise that I do believe you will know when it has come. Meanwhile be certain that all paperwork for POA and wills, etc are done that can be done while she is capable of understanding what she is doing.
I will say that it was the hospice social worker that really assisted in the placement. I also spoke with the hospice nurse and she reassured me that it was definitely time and that she had seen a huge decline.
I can really identify with what you are going through. I know I tried hard to insure she was in a nice assisted living surrounded by her things and I went to bat for every service I could find for her. Bottom line, when we picked up her personal items from the “curb” (we were not allowed to come in and pack so the AL put all her stuff literally on the curb), it was obvious that we made the right decision. There was a mixture of food, urine and other stuff on all her furniture. She had hidden feces covered items in her drawers. We basically took everything to the dump. She was also falling more and more frequently.
The sense of relief I have knowing she is in a facility that can provide her with the care and safety she needs has overridden any doubts, guilt, emotional suffering I was feeling. I wish I had moved her earlier.
I can advise you to try and find some support from any of her health professionals. Some people find placement for their loved ones following a hospitalization. I wish you all the best with a lot of help from above! I do feel as if in your heart you know it’s time. Please keep us posted.
Start the process. Hoping it will go well for you and your mom.
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