I work 2 days/wk. He was diagnosed a couple months ago with moderate to severe dementia, vascular in nature. I know his brain is deteriorating but he never has anything good to say about me and I take such good care of him, we were married for 25 years, his kids totally uninterested, they don’t even know the severity of his illness b/c they rarely call or visit.
I read this several times and finally understood that HE was asking for the divorce, and the HOUSE not the horse...I think I get it now.
Ummm...marrying the much older man and then they fall apart while we're still pretty young. Been there, wearing the t- shirt and MY DH is only 5 years my senior. We had some rough years as he aged so fast for a while. We're on more of an equal footing now.
Get yourself an atty. If Dh can't even take care of himself, divorcing you won't help him at all. I worry all the time about my DH and dementia. He gets so kooky sometimes I can't tell if it's early onset dementia or just him.
You need to protect yourself, so your own atty can do that.
You can 'split up' and not lose your marital assets but not have to deal with a grouchy, sick hubby.
I know when my DH was going through some stuff and he was severely depressed, he was so mean, I couldn't bear it. I didn't know who I would find at the end of the day. More than once I decided I would divorce him, I'd be basically at near poverty level, but it would have been better than living with day after day anger and nastiness.
Is this a constant, or was this a one off occurrence? That also plays into it. dementia takes a person we love and turns them into someone else.
Good luck--take some 'me time' and think. Perhaps he is just not thinking with any part of his brain but the 'broken' part. Some of the stuff my DH would say to me was just unconscionable--but Drs. kept telling me it was the illness or the drugs--luckily, he seems to be pulling out of it, but a part of me is always on high alert, waiting for him to blow again. And he is generally a nice guy. To have him yell at me over something, or just try to shut me down for no reason--very painful.
Unkind words, whether from a person with all their capacities or not is hurtful and you need to work through that hurt.
And maybe dropping into the conversation "he's been dxed with moderate to severe dementia", It would be useful for his attorney to know that.
Having made such a Horlicks of understanding the post in the first place I can at least say that I am now all ears. Hope you're doing okay, Belinda.
You husband has dementia, and has had for some time, it seems. He should no longer be left alone. He needs supervision. He need socialization and diversion.
He needs a happy wife who visits, not a tired stressed one!
Call his lawyer and doctor, both, today. Ask the lawyer for a recommendation for an Eldercare attorney to ask for advice about re-titling assets before he enters a facility.
Oh dear, this is dreadful. Calling his MD is a good idea. I'm sure you won't want to admit defeat, but have you also had a look at dementia care services and facilities near you?
Did you speak to the same attorney yourself?
So you got the vascular dementia diagnosis only a couple of months ago. Vascular dementia doesn't, I believe, usually happen on its own. Could you help us to understand better by going back a while and explaining a bit more about the history of your husband's illness, what kind of care he's needed, and what your plan going forward has been (apart from getting a divorce, I mean).
I can imagine that this evening there was some sort of last straw incident. But the point of last straws is that they're nothing much, just on their own. It's everything that's been piled on before that's the real problem.
Have the doctor send the attorney the diagnosis so he knows what he is dealing with.