When is someone declared incompetent?
This is not something I’m eager for or about but when is the right time? My grandmother has dementia, she’s somewhere in the middle stages and it’s been a truly confusing, upsetting journey for my mom and I who are her unofficial caretakers. At the beginning of the year she was having constant falls & would forget about them or dismiss them. fortunately that has stopped. She has incontinence issues. She cannot walk much and moves from her bed to her living room recliner and that’s most of her activity. She cannot wash her own clothes, she showers using a seat but needs help getting in and out and to the bathroom. She no longer cooks or can feed herself. She either forgets to eat or that she has already eaten. She cannot clean after herself or her house. She does not understand any of her financial matters. She would not take her prescribed medication if not given to her by me or my mom, and my mom is her medical proxy.
We have meddling family that there have been issues with. When she sees them she is very performative and they don’t see what we handle on a daily basis ( we live with her in her home) we feed her, help her get clean, clean after her, give her all her medications and deal with all her health issues. We feel that her doctor doesn’t see how much she has declined because how can you get all of that in a 20 minute dr visit. But she unfortunately and sadly cannot live by herself or deal w her own affairs confidently. We don’t want family that hasn’t taken care of her for nearly 2 years to come and disrupt the work we’ve done with her. We don’t feel she’s mentally stable to deal w things medically or financially and she also speaks no english and many of the facilities we visit either have weak translators or none at all. When is the right time to get her declared incompetent? We don’t want to do it prematurely but we also don’t want to wait around if it’s something we should do. if it does sound like the right time. Where do we start? How complicated is it in the state of California? and any advice would be immensely appreciated
x
a very stressed but willing caretaker
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I'd say if she has lucid moments, get her to sign the POA documents as soon as possible during that time. You can use two witnesses or a notary. There are restrictions on who the witnesses can be so you'll want to be sure to follow the rules.
If it's too late for POA, you'll need to consult an attorney and possibly seek conservatorship in court. If you Google "California Handbook for Conservators" it will give a good idea of what's involved.
I then filed for benefits on behalf of my minor children as instructed by SS. I went to apply for their benefits and was told I couldn't, the diagnosis of ALZ, meant that I was legally incompetent as far as the Federal Govt was concerned and my DW had to sign paperwork agreeing to be Representative Payee, for my minor children's benefits. The doctors themselves did not advise me of the incompetence status, I about fell out of my chair in the SS office. I asked my doctors about the competency issue, and they told me yes it is true.
We were in the process of setting up our Estate when I received the diagnosis and had everything in place four months after my diagnosis, including a Trust in my DW's name, granted DPOA privileges, Medical Proxy and Medical Directives, Pour Over Wills and desired funeral arrangements, set up by an Estate Attorney, we then had it reviewed by an Elder Law Attorney, who told me yes in Virginia with a diagnosis of ALZ yes, I was considered by the state as incompetent.
Next we visited with an Elder Law Attorney who reviewed everything done by the Estate Attorney, and we were told, the attorney that set up the Estate etc. had done everything perfectly and in sync with the laws of the state of Virginia. She suggested we do a review every three years to make sure we were still in compliance with current Virginia state laws. The review took 45 minutes and cost 150.00. Money well spent in addition to the cost of the Trust etc.
I encourage all readers if you have not set up your legal affairs yet. Do so, it will save your family any heartache in the future. My DW and I sleep well, knowing all the bases have been covered, and we just accept the changes as they come along. We have both noticed significant decline in the last few months, we keep talking and staying in touch and their are no arguments. We've never had a fight during the two years we were dating and 23, that we've been married.
This is an ordeal in some probate courts. My friend was subjected to the worst possible scrutiny. You see, the Courts look upon family caregivers with disdain and even insisted she pay rent to her mother while trying to care for her mother
The courts would rather you pay a high dollar caretaker than for you to receive any compensation.
They are terrible and unrealistic. If your Loved one has any assets they will be squeezed dry from court costs and attorney fees. NOT A GOOD IDEA.
Then it would be a matter of preparing the paper work to go to court to have her declared incompetent.
There are simple tests to help the PCP understand how bad she is. these are very simple tests that do not require any invasive procedures.
Ours just Luz a couple of questions and determined she need more of these tests. After she failed the tests her referred her to a neurologist for treatment.
None of it hurt more than I my feelings, including the CT scan to see what was going on with her brain. The neurologist was very surprised at how bad she was.
From that point on it was up to the lawyer and the courts.
I filed for guardianship to protect Luz from the nefarious type out there that would take her away from me and do her no good.
I wish you the very best in your endeavors.
The doctor can say she is not competent to care for herself and needs 24 hour care, but to be declared incompetent is something only a judge can do.
Does your mom have financial POA as well as Medical? If not, and you believe that family will try to intervene and take over her care not fully understanding how ill she is, then it is probably a good time to seek guardianship. Any person declared incompetent requires a guardian that will help protect them and insure their care. You will be required to report to the courts and all of her money can only be used for her care. The courts will explain everything that you would need to know. You could Google the California guardianship rules to figure out the steps to take.
If family tries to interfere please direct them to do some research on dementia and to try to understand what she is going through before they jump and potentially throw her into a downward spiral.
Good for you and mom being proactive in caring for grandma.
What is her language? If it is Spanish have you thought about checking into facilities in Mexico? I understand that there are some nice facilities in boarder towns and language would not be an issue.
Sorry, don't remember if u have POA? If so, with that you cpold get her into LTC with Medicaid if she qualifies.