Last Night as we were heading to bed, my husband says to me does this room have a kitchen. I tried to explain to him that we were living in a house with a kitchen, a living room, and bedroom and other rooms. How much do we pay to live here? We have lived in this house for over 11 years. Charlie has been diagnosed with MCI and then it has moved on to Alzheimer’s. I never quite sure how to deal with his concerns Around losing his mind or his memory. I try to be as honest with him as I possibly can be, but I don’t want to hurt him or have him give up hope.
It has to be confusing and upsetting. Much of the time, he didn’t seem to realize he had anything wrong with him. It was heart-wrenching when he did. Like when he asked why he couldn’t read anymore, or why the doctors couldn’t just just him a shot to make him be able to walk again.
best wishes
What is the point of discussing the ravages of Alzheimer's with your husband? He knows something is wrong, and yes it is, but nothing will fix it or stop the progression. So in my opinion, we try to gently acknowledge the deficits while reminding the loved one they're doing fine. Anything less is cruel.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
HONESTY will become KEY here.
Lealonnie, here on Forum recommended a book I have come to treasure. I happen to be an atheist, and this book is written by a PASTOR and his wife, about the former's descent into Alzheimer's disease. If you can't tolerate a bit of religion in the mix you may not like it, but it is definitely one of the best things I have read about the disease and a PERSONAL account by a kind and intelligent man of his descent into the disease. From start to when he couldn't write and his wife took over. I am profoundly grateful for having this book in the library.
Please consider getting it. On amazon, this "not-new" book cost me almost nothing used.
The book is:
My Journey in Alzheimer's Disease by Robert Davis.
Thanks again for this book, Lea.
Now--much depends upon your hubby's disease and his personality, and on your own personality. When at 84 my brother was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's dementia after a car accident, he and I scrambled to get things fixed and in place for him. And we talked and talked and talked about his diagnosis, about what it currently meant (some hallucinations, awful balance, some paranoia) and WOULD mean in future.
He wanted to talk about it. He mourned it, and hoped to beat it to the punch by dying before it did its worst (he did). We talked by the hour and honestly. He said it was awful to know what he HAD but a relief to know the reasons he saw the world so differently to what he HAD seen it and what is "normal".
Most folks don't discuss dementia to this extent, but the author Amy Bloom (In Love) did with her hubby, who chose a final exit in Switzerland. And Oliver Sacks spent virtually a lifetime talking to people about their dementia and brain diseases.
So, this is a personal journey, unique to you and your hubby as your own fingerprints. I hope you will stay on Forum during your journey. You will see so many DIFFERING perspectives.
I wish you the very best of luck and love. This is a tough fork in the road. No question. Get all the support you are able.
pat