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I need help assisting my husband shower. It's the most stressing time of the day. He doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him. He has had Alzheimer's for several years. I'm the only person that takes care of him. I have no other help.

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Hiring an aide a few times a week would be a blessing to you both. These aides know the tricks of the trade to gain cooperation that family members often cannot get, and they can get it accomplished more quickly and efficiently.
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You can hire aides to come help him shower if it's too stressful for you, but make sure that you have everything in place before you TELL him(not ask)that it's time to shower, like shower chair, slip proof mat, grab bars and even handheld showerhead.
And you may have to actually wash him up yourself once he's seated on the shower chair. that way you can make sure that he gets good and clean.
I had to wash my late husband up when he was the shower, and often got a little wet myself, but I knew at least he was clean.
Also your husband only needs a shower about twice a week, which should make it easier for you. There is no need to have him get in the shower every day.
You can use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for the off days, both which can be ordered on either Amazon or Walmart.com.
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Contact social services for your county and request an in-home assessment for services, one of which can be hygiene. Also, have you made his shower time safer? Do you have a shower chair for him? A hand-held shower head so that he can sit and control it himself? Trying showering in the morning so that he's not Sundowning later in the day or evening? Cutting down on the number of showers per week? My Aunt only had 2 a week but she was not bowel incontinent. She had advanced dementia and we had a neighbor come in and give her the shower (the neighbor has experience as a caregiver). Are you using products like Dude Wipes (they are large and gentle, good for elder skin, they don't tear). You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging for other resources. Your husband's dementia will prevent him from ever understanding things like showering going forward.
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