Mum is on a waitlist for aged care. Thinking ahead, where do you store her belongings? She currently pays for a storage unit overseas which is the contents of her prior apartment before moving in with me AND she now also has a whole bedroom full of belongings and a bit more at my residence. The belongings overseas are hers and my deceased brothers belongings. The plan was to go back overseas to sort through it all but then Mum got dementia while also covid has ensured no travel happened in 2020. I’m so confused what I’m meant to do with everything and overwhelmed.... I rent and while the current establishment has enough room to keep Mum's current belongings intact, I most likely cannot afford this place once Mum goes into aged care since we have shared the living costs here. And do I really want to keep her room intact anyhow? So confused,...
Does she start paying storage fees locally as well as overseas? Can I request that even if not her POA? Or are they my problem once Mum goes into aged care? These are important items, some passed through generations and there’s lots!
I'm not complaining but I’m exhausted and as mentioned, don’t have money to throw around nor space if I have to move out too.
Just realized there is a POA involved. If so, this person should be making the decisions. When it comes to the storage unit overseas that too is the POAs responsibility. You can ask.
It is not the POA job to personally take care of the clean out.
Well, the best idea I got on this forum was to "swap out". Example, the table lamps I had here at home there was nothing special about them, so I donated those lamps and brought home my parents lamps to use. I even swapped out the unique bookends my folks had. Did that with some smaller furniture. You get the idea :)
Also, as she declines *someone* is going to need to do the housekeeping for her items, like dusting and vacuuming her unit, etc. If this will be you, the fewer knick knacks and furniture she has, the better. Also fewer things for her to fall against or trip over. Clutter is generally not helpful to those who are having cognitive issues (not your mum yet, but who knows).
If it is upsetting to your mum you can tell her you'll store the items she can't really take -- and as she forgets about them or needs the money you can sell them...or (better yet) have her personally give the heirlooms to people she selects now. This way she gets the joy of receiving their gratitude...even if it is non-family recipients. Clinging to material things can cause us to lose our ability to experience everyday joy because we're locked in the past and are making unrealistic presumptions about the future, as well as fretting about them in the meantime.
After Christmas I went and purged items out of my house from every closet and cabinet that I hadn't thought about or used in several years. Even though I liked the items, I wasn't able to use or display them and none of my family wanted any of it -- so what's the point of keeping them? One such item was my son's childhood lamp for his bedroom (in the shape of a firetruck). It was very expensive at the time of purchase and he loved it, and was in excellent condition, but he is now past having more kids and no other grandkids in the foreseeable future. When I was dropping it off at Goodwill, the worker helping me unload my car saw it and exclaim, "OH! My son would LOVE that lamp! I'm gonna hunt it down later!" (and I would have given it directly to him but it was too late, it was already on their receiving table). I was SO delighted to know who was going to get it and that some little boy was going to go to bed every night imagining himself as a firefighter driving it. Totally worth the minor emotional pang of letting it go!
Wishing you good luck. My bro, before his move had already downsized to a teeny home, and got rid of things as he aged. Sentimental items were given to others, or sold. There was little he couldn't take to his ALF as he had two rooms. And after his death it was easily got rid of as it was only his last most precious items, so a friend put them in his collective space. I am of an age as well. I have wonderful memories of his stuff as he was a collector; but I chose one hand carved wooden dog that he loved a lot, and let the rest go. I have picture. Soon no one will care even about them!
The POA is likely the person who will make these decisions. Keeping things intact is lovely, but costly, and for the most part without any reason other than sentimentality. Which again is lovely, just not practical in the real world. Discuss this all with the POA.
1. I had to fully empty my deceased brothers apartment during only a few weeks of annual leave all alone. My mother was there but in too much shock to help.
2. In our home country they have a law that any possessions/articles are automatically the offsprings. Since my brother had a daughter (although they could not be located as my brother was not listed as farther nor have they kept in touch in ages), technically we were not allowed to dispose / sell any of it as it should be her making the decision. So we didn’t want to do the wrong thing just in case. However, it’s been over 2 years now so I think she has had her chance by law. This storage unit is a mixture of my brothers belongings and my mums from her earlier home when she came to live with me.
We were meant to travel back home in early 2020 and sort it all but Covid ruined those plans. Otherwise there’s some important belongings in there, mostly sentimental. Don’t think Mum is in health to travel there anymore though which is a worry. Physically she could and really really wants to but she can’t fill out her own travel docs.
The POA is a difficult one. There is none atm. Mum wants me but Dr said it’s too late. Again the law varies between the 2 countries. Here, the government steps in and again back home, it’s automatically offered to the offspring which would be me since my other brother is in care facility too. I know for a fact that Mum would not want a government making choices about her belongings so hence why I’m trying to get to the bottom of it now too. For Mum making her storage payments have always been upmost important that she’s always stressing saying “what if they empty it, sell it” if she’s even a few days late making payment. I guess it’s the grieving process... it was all so rushed before. So definitely don’t want some government body stopping those payments before we’ve had a chance to as a family, to decide what happens with it all.
Do.you have family to go through storage unit overseas?
There must be estate brokers there. Contact them about cleaning out the storage. They take a percentage of the sales.
I contacted one of those guys who empty apartments when my brother passed to find out more. The problem with them is that they want it ALL or nothing at all. He quite bluntly said to me,.. if you’re going to go through the belongings and pick out things, even sentimental items, then the deal is off. He said,.. there’s no value if you leave us with just the scraps.
When you clean out a parents belongings, you have to harden yourself. I have a cousin who took 5 yrs to clean out her Moms house. All the time paying for the upkeep because...she had a hard time getting rid of the 30 prs of shoes and purses her Mom had. Cousin is an only child. I took Moms furniture. A small bookcase and her recliner with a side table. She was rarely in her room because she liked watching people so she was in the Common area most of the day or walking the hallway. Clothes, Mom had Thyroid problems so she had 2 sizes in clothes. I took only what she needed for the season and I washed them. I kept her extra clothes in under the bed boxes in my house. She had a small kitchen but never used it. I left paper plates and plasticwear in case someone brought her something to eat. Once she is settled in and you are pretty sure she has enough things, get rid of the rest. If she has expensive jewelry keep it. Anything you feel you want. But get rid of the rest. She rarely will go out so she will only need one coat for each season. Shoes, basic. Sneakers, comfortable slip ons. Clothing comfortable and easy to get on and off. Some sweaters.
I am one of 3. After my mother was placed in an AL and my brother came home and stayed in her house, I told him to take what he wanted. Mom had a 4 bedroom house. We started in the attic and worked down. A lot of things were donated. Given to friends.
I got rid of everything that wasn't important to my dad. All furniture, housewares and stuff that was easily replaced, then I put the rest in my garage. Items that had value to him were the only things I kept.
If you don't have room and you don't want the stuff, find a way to sell or donate items after you set up her room. You aren't going to want to take anything that is irreplaceable and meaningful, because stuff goes missing and sometimes can't be found.
Have you checked into having the overseas storage unit boxed up and sent to you? That isn't cheap but, probably more cost effective then paying for a storage unit for an indefinite time.
1. Storage-she will never need those items/get rid of it.
2. Heirlooms-disperse them or you keep them.
3. Keep needed clothing, then purge/donate.
I am going to use this plan. Instead of storing things, because I already emptied a storage unit years ago. Our shed is full-we are busting at the seams. Dh could not find his winter clothes this year. I did, and have refused to buy more of anything that I know we already have. It is an organization problem with us.