So, I had a mental break with resulted in me being evaluated and my mom being admitted into the hospital because I had no one who would watch my mom while I got evaluated. I was discharged soon after and referred to outpatient but given my level of burnout I felt it was time to place.
My mom is still in the hospital and I have spoken with the social workers which have been far from helpful. They claim she is not a proper candidate for nursing home placement due to difficults with placing her. They have informed me that any patient that requires a one to one will not find placement. The medical and pysch doctors have informed me medication is not technically not a suitable option because her issues can be manged by non chemical intervention.
I was informed she is a candidate for NHTD program which is the nursing home transition and diversion wavier but the catch is since she cannot be place according to the social worker I have to take her home but I am well past burnout she is no longer safe to be around me for extended period of time.
The social workers have asked me to get my family to help but that is useless they have ghosted her from day one of her dementia. Not the same but her brothers and sisters went through this with my grandma she has a TBI due to swelling in her brain.
I am at a loss, I am being informed them risks for her to remain in the hospital are high due to increase chance of infection and my mom has already wandered twice due to the lack of proper one to one. Though given the laws in NY and countless lawsuits against said hospital the doctors refuse to use drugs with a sedative like effect because they are not FDA approved and have informed me that the use of said drugs just for the side effect of sedation is not proper use of the drug.
I am at a loss but funny thing is I feel nothing I am numb to all of it. I just don't care, they have tried to pull on my heart strings when I told them I don't care what they have to do they need to find placement. They demonize and tell me the horrors like it is supposed to bother me but it does not. Does this make me a horrible son? I know a part of me should care but yeah I don't. Caregiving has altered who I am to the very core.
Guess what, then. Problem solved.
If you would like Mom placed, then you are able, as her guardian, to do so.
If mom requires application for Medicaid that is quite doable.
As to getting out of legal guardianship? Almost never. In order to resign a judge has to OK it. Once someone is foolish enough to become someone else's guardian the law almost never allows resignation, and that applies even if you are mortally ill.
So embrace the power.
Time for placement.
And as to that one on one thing? Nah. That doesn't wash. She will be placed and medicated as appropriate so that she doesn't require a babysitter.
YOU perhaps cannot do that, but a nursing home and MD can arrange that.
You are behaving here as though you are a prisoner to care of this person.
You aren't. Though you may need to drop the worthless attorney who suggested guardianship and get a good nurse manager to manage placement. Much less expensive.
In this country, were we to be taken prisoner by our out of control elders, there would be a lot more remakes of the film "Throw Mama from the Train", quite honestly.
I personally would go through changing my identity than spend my life feeling like I am being held slave/prisoner.
"she is already on Medicaid and when I went through the assessment and placement process with Medicaid they would do her assessment and send out her assessment to places I found.
All of them rejected her cause of the one to one status. I have been informed that tag is a handful to deal with and remove."
Not sure why mom is one to one, but sounds for sure that she'd need memory care if she needs close watching and supervision. And the fact that the hospital is unwilling to try medications is beyond me. Possibly the OP should try to get her transferred to a psych unit for evaluation and a trial of medications so she no longer has the one to one status and could then get transferred to memory care.
Sounds to me like this SW does want to do their job. And feels because you have guardianship you should do it. And you can. You have the ability to place Mom. Its easier if she can pay privately and work into Medicaid. An Elderly lawyer will cost but if Mom has money you can use it to hire one. You can consult, its usually free.
I have found money actually makes dealing with this a lot easier. Just not an option she is already on Medicaid and when I went through the assessment and placement process with Medicaid they would do her assessment and send out her assessment to places I found.
All of them rejected her cause of the one to one status. I have been informed that tag is a handful to deal with and remove.
I am trying. TBH I wish my family did not let me get blinded by love and told me not to do this. I was a fresh college graduate wanted to do right by my mom. Worse mistake of my life becoming her guardian.
Thanks for the suggestion I do have an attorney helping me with getting out of guardianship atm I will talk to them about the things you mentioned.
Good description of severe depression.
Whatever you do don't take her home.
Tell them you cannot care for her and had a recent mental break trying, and that she needs placement and guardianship of the state.
If you are living in your mother's home this is complicating factor. Go to a friend's home, or other family member. Make it clear you will not receive your mother nor will other family and if they discharge her it is an "unsafe discharge".
Tell them you will see she is returned to hospital via 911 if they "unsafely discharge her."
If they do ambulance her home, call EMS, tell them senior at home in dire situation, alone without care. Wait across street until they arrive; they will have to take her into Hospital ER. Do not communicate with them or communicate with them "like a crazy person" telling them you are in hiding and cannot care for her.
They will have to enlist the Social Workers for either placement, or to call APS for State guardianship, and THEN placement.
IF you are in mom's home? All bets are off. This will be too difficult.
You are going to need to leave your mother's housing for this to work.
So very sorry for all you are going through.
Unfortunately I am her responsible party so ghosting is also been something I was not advised to do. Trust me I was at a point where I was going to call APS and Alz association with her info and tell them I am gone she is their problem now.
My lawyer suggested I don't do that. I was going to move to FL to stay with a friend.
No, you are not a horrible. You are a human being who has been pushed past their limits.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that they are trying to push you to do something you can't. She mustn't be your responsibility any more. You have more than enough on your plate getting your own health back.((((hugs))))