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My husband, myself and our 3 kids live with my mother in law. We moved in in February of 2012, prior to my youngest being born. She had a new deed made in April of 2018 that is a survivor's deed between the three of us. She was diagnosed with dementia in 2021. We have kept her home with us. Her dementia is progressing fairly quickly and her mood swings and confusion is getting worse everyday. Her neurologist suggested memory care facility when I took her in the spring to see him. He has tried multiple medications to help the anxiety, depression and outbursts that come along with dementia, but we are getting to the point that the last option of medicine we can do at home is not working. We haven't been able to leave her alone in the last year and a half. My husband is currently staying home with her, which puts a strain on us financially because we are down to just my income. We can't go anywhere or do anything as a family unless we take her with us. Despite having to drive two vehicles for all of us to go, we are having more difficulties with her when we are on the outings, plus her outbursts and mood swings seem worse for a few days after an outing.
My husband is the youngest of 3 boys. He is the only one with children at home. We have no help from the siblings. They wouldn't even take care of their mother the last two years for us to be able to take a vacation from our home here in kentucky to go visit my dad for a week at his home in Florida. We can't even go out to eat anymore. It is putting a strain on my marriage.
I am her POA. I have always been the one to take care of her finances and her medical stuff. We are now looking at putting her in a nursing facility. We want to know if she goes to the nursing home will we potentially lose our home. On top of giving up our home to move in with her in 2012, and not being able to have any family time or even just a date night with my husband, we worry we will lose our home. Can anyone offer advice or help? Thank you so much in advance.

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Yes, this is a vary by state and how aggressive the state is with Medicaid Estate Recovery Program (MERP). Strongly agree with other and seek legal advice with an eldercare lawyer and only an eldercare lawyer. You want someone who specializes in the Medicaid long term care regulations for this matter.

This is what I found after doing a google search:
A Survivors Deed is treated differently than a Life Use Estate deed.

A life use deed, also known as a life estate deed, and a survivorship deed are both legal documents that can be used in real estate, but they have different purposes: 
Life use deed
A life estate deed grants the owner the right to use and live in a property for their lifetime, and then transfers ownership to another person or entity when they die. This type of deed can be used to protect the property from nursing home liens and to avoid the property being included in the Medicaid recovery process of the owner. 

Survivorship deed
A survivorship deed transfers property ownership to the surviving co-owners when one of them dies, without the need for probate. This type of deed is often used to ensure that the property is distributed equitably among the co-owners. There are three types of survivorship deeds: joint tenancy, tenancy by the entirety, and community property. 

Good luck.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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newbiewife 40 min ago
This information about survivorship deed is very informative. It sounds as though the OP and spouse were named on the deed in 2018 (so before Medicaid's 5 year look back period), and that the elder's share of the house goes to them when she dies. OP and her family for sure won't lose the house if mom goes into care paid for by Medicaid. At worst if there is a Medicaid lien on the house it could only be for an amount equal to mom's 1/3rd share, and there wouldn't be any attempt to collect that until after mom dies. It might be prudent for OP's family to save up just in case the lien requires them to come up with 1/3rd the house value after mom dies.
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I would suggest you talk to a Medicaid caseworker. There are Ladybird deeds and life estates. Medicaid has a 5 yr lookback and anything done within that lookback could be null and void. The house is an exempt asset when the recipient is alive but once they pass its an asset that can be used for recovery. There is a caregiver allowance but you must show you were living with and caring for this person in their home of residence. You may also need to show that you can afford the taxes, bills and upkeep on the house. If allowed to stay in the home, upon MILs death the house is now an asset. A recovery letter will be sent to you asking about assets and at that time you declare the house and again may need to prove u were a Caregiver. The lien will be placed on the house. If you sell, leave or pass, the lien becomes due and the house sold. Not sure how this works when one spouse is the caregiver and the other not or both are. Again, you need to talk to a caseworker.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The idea is for MILs home to be sold to fund her care in Memory Care Assisted Living. If you apply for Medicaid to fund her care on the taxpayers dime, MERP will likely put a lien on her home to recover the costs of that care. It's unfortunate you did not see an Elder Care attorney before you moved in with MIL and took on such a huge task.
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I agree this is a question for an estate attorney or elder law attorney since the Medicaid rules can vary by state.
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See a lawyer, but it’s unlikely the taxpayer will be asked to foot the bill for her care just so you can get a free house (assuming Medicaid). Her home is Medicaid exempt when she is alive, but that will change after she dies.

A lien will be placed on the home after she passes and you’ll either have to pay that or Medicaid will take the house and sell to recover their losses.

Your husband needs to get a job to support his family.
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Geaton777 2 hours ago
This is not what I've been seeing in doing some brief online research. Also, Medicaid does not "take" houses. They are not in the real estate business and don't want to be. They work through liens. Eventually a home in MERP gets a new owner, who must first satisfy the Medicaid lien.
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What does a survivors deed mean? That she still owns it but you get it after death? If so, then Medicaid could potentially lien it, but that is a question for an elder care lawyer.
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