Mom has dementia, dad died a few months ago, and mom barely eats now. She never had a big appetite but I've seen a huge decrease in appetite and change. Of course she's depressed. She's on celexa and aricept which calms her nicely, but she just says I'm not hungry. Not making her coffee anymore, and now not "reading" the paper. They are building up. She goes out to lunch but doesn't eat but has fun in the moment people watching. That wipes her out and then she naps at home after. She was drinking the Ensure drinks but now not so much. She knows he's gone and I'm starting to wonder if she just has no desire to be around anymore. She likes people watching but refuses anything like day care etc because she doesn't like interacting with people. Im at a loss and I'm her only support as the only child...just looking for guidance and answers so I know what's going on...
I suspect that we as the family feel we are making them better if we see them eat heartily. But, for them, it's not like that. Also, sometime people can eat and their body does not absorb the nutrients. I'd discuss it with her doctor to see if meds would be advisable.
Have you thought of anything like pet therapy or visitors in the home?
Well, I didn't back off. I went over every morning and made mom a good breakfast and sat with her while she ate it. I was retired at the time. I'd leave her a lunch in the fridge and check at lunch time to make sure she'd eat it (she forgets otherwise). So she bounced back in a couple of month's time and has been very stable at about 131 lbs for several years. Now she is getting over the shingles and she lost seven pounds and I'm back to being concerned about her weight and frailty.
For my mom at her age, I feel like any calorie is a good calorie. So she gets a lot of what she likes - mixed nuts, ice cream, cookies, sugared pop, mac and cheese...whatever she'll eat, I buy. I don't worry about how healthy anything is anymore, it's just about keeping her going until she's ready to check out.
I sometimes question myself about whether I should have just let mom "go" when she was at 107 pounds. I'm not sure the last three years have been that wonderful for her since all of her siblings are gone and she doesn't have any friends who communicate with her anymore. I'm about it. So don't be surprised if you have conflicted feelings about how much (or little) to do to "save" mom. I still do.
She recently lost the love of her life, and this isn't how they had planned their retirement. Thus Mom is emotionally exhausted, feeling lost. I also find myself putting things off so that is normal. Like I have no desire to do anything for Thanksgiving.
Sometimes medicines can decrease appetite, so I would have Mom see her primary doctor and ask if this might be the cause or not.
Have Mom help you with things that she use to enjoy. Did Mom like preparing Thanksgiving? Ask her for tips on what to do? Ask her to show you how to do this or that? Take it one step at a time.