Hi all, my mother does not recognize that she has dementia. She's still taking care of herself in her own home but she's isolated herself and I see it taking a toll on her memory. I see her most days but I live 20 minutes away and it's wearing on my like crazy. She's gotten to be very short tempered and uncooperative when I try to help her. I'd like her to move into independent living in a senior community that also has assisted living and memory care and that's closer to me so she can have some interaction with other people but she's resistant. The community director understands her situation and is onboard with Mom going into independent living rather than assisted. But I also worry that Mom will still sit in her apartment by herself and than neither of us will be better off. I've taken Mom on a tour but it didn't help much. She says that she wants to be active but her actions and words don't match. I've thought about day care (which I know I'd also have her take her to kicking and screaming) but it would be an hour round trip twice a day for me. Does anyone who has been in this boat have any advice for me? I'm afraid to do nothing and I'm afraid to make the wrong decision.
My brother placed Mom in an assisted living facility about 3 months ago. When he went to visit her after a month, she had repacked everything thinking she was going home. My brother spent 3 hours unpacking everything.
She has been there 3 months now and is still adjusting. My brother received an email that Mom was hysterical and wanted to die. When my brother went to visit, she seemed fine. He found out that the facility had prescribed a medication that wasn't the best for her. My brother took her to the nurse practitioner who determined that Mom was doing very well. Bottom line - check with the director every day! Give it time, it will get better.
I was lucky, my Dad was the one to decide he needed out of his house because of the stairs and all the maintenance involved. I found him a fantastic Independent Living facility and he was able to bring along two of his caregivers [one worked M-F and the other on Sat] and we shorten their hours to 6 hours just mornings. This helped Dad make the transition so much easier.
Dad wasn't much on socializing, but he went without any coaching to the 5pm dinner in the main dining room. He looked forward to seeing his tablemates. I figure at 95 he could do what he wanted.... if he wanted to join in the activities that was fine... or if he wanted to stay in his recliner reading or watching TV, that was ok, too.
Dad liked the idea that he really wasn't alone, that if he needed help he could use his medical pendent, or at times he would keep his apartment door open so people passing by with call in to him a "hello".
Second, we got mom to try out independent living at this time of year as the harsh North East winter was about to arrive. She had become quite fearful of storms and we all agreed that she would " temporarily" relocate for the winter. By the time spring roled around, she wanted no part of going back to her isolated suburban home.