I'm in a legal mess, and need some advice. I have been my mothers caregiver for the last 10 years, and had POA, and all medical rights over her. My mother has had a history of mini strokes. Over the last several months she was becoming increasingly combative. She was, and I have to be honest, driving me insane, and I wasn't handling it well. She started to refuse her meds, accuse me of stealing her money, run out of the house using the back door and tell neighbors I was tying her up, or I was being mean, and I ended up not being able to even take a shower, worrying if she would fall going out the steep front door, as she started to do recently. Well she had the police called, and I went outside to let them know Mom wasn't well in her mind, and that mattered little, as they were very aggressive, and took me to the ground, and arrested me. Then they questioned Mom, and Mom told unspeakable, and inaccurate statements on my character which most all can be proven. I'm on the deed of the house, along with her, and she's in a nursing home now, but I'm worried this IN LAW who has POA now is trying to ruin me, and has already had me evicted due to a 2 year protective order she had my mother sign against me, with more inaccurate claims. This is totally out of control, and I've been forsaken by everyone, including my lame duck attorney, and I'm trying to find some peace in all this, as I never ever hurt, or even attempted to hurt my mother, I love her with all my heart, and this heart is crushed. I don't have a clue as what to do, and have no money to hire a team of attorney's to end this nightmare :-(
Outside of dealing with that issue, I'd say make sure you have stability for your own life first on where to live and finances and deal with the situation with your mother later. It sounds like the basics are being taken care of for her so maybe it's okay to sort things out on your end first.
I don't think they help very much. I don't, either, think they suggest abuse; but they do indicate that you're still trying to deal with your mother as though she was a fully competent adult in a reasonable frame of mind. Since the subject was your allegation that she had said she wanted to kill you - the sort of thing one tends to say in the heat of an angry moment - it isn't surprising that she wasn't keen to discuss it. She apologised to shut you up.
For future reference, if you want to have a meaningful conversation with anybody, but especially an older person, turn off the TV first.
Your videos do not support your case or perspective they show a caregiver badgering an old lady about admitting a comment (she may or may not have made) from days prior, which she does not even remember. The second video shows the elder not wanting to put her air one, whilst not in distress......big deal on both. Pathetic family dynamics, sad.
You will have a day in court. I hope justice prevails. If you are exonerated, you can request visits through the court if need be if the POA denies you.
I hope you do not regain care of mom, because if she has started escaping she needs more than a single person can provide and she will only worsen. I do hope you get visiting rights because albeit cranky and dysfunctional, it is the relationship you two have created and known all these years and it's absence would be hurtful.
Consider the plead particularly fir resisting arrest. Try to get a second legal opinion if you are not pleaded with your lawyer.
Do not try your case in the court of public opinion
First, re-read PStegman's comment. She's right, and you should be comforted. Just try to keep calm, because while the truth will out it does sometimes take its sweet time about it.
So you're back in your house, good. I don't know what your main source of income is: has it been affected by all this? Do you just need to sit tight and tide yourself over 'til the next instalment, or do you need to take more active steps? What about friends locally, can they lend you a hand?
Even if the current NH is refusing to test for dementia, you have medical records of mini-strokes and presumably your own records of your mother's deterioration. It's almost as though vascular dementia is a given unless someone can prove otherwise, which sort of puts the boot on the other foot, if you see what I mean. So, if someone wants to prove your mother has got capacity, they'll need to run tests - and the truth of it will out that way.
I'm sorry you haven't had luck with your lawyer. There are some idle rat-bags out there, and you can't tell by looking, unfortunately. Have you tried the Alzheimer's Society's website (it's not just for AD, they cover all the other dementias too) for advice on getting legal help?
I'm also sorry that things went so badly with the police when you were arrested. I expect you were pretty agitated, but it's a pity that the officer you encountered didn't take a look at the whole picture. Messy, complicated, and you get the dirty end of the wrong stick that everyone's got hold of. I'm so sorry.
Like everyone else, I'd like to know where this in-law fits into the picture - it could make a big difference.
When you repeatedly asked Mom about her comment about killing you should have ignored the comment and changed the subject.. The only thing you did was continue asking what she said so you could prove some self satisfying point! She is not acting this way on purpose! If this is how you handle her outbursts then she is much better in a NH..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP8VHn_jK4I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE2cTlXsAvI
Even anecdotal evidendence from neighbors that support your character or her condition? Can you get and different lawyer?
Mom is in a safe environment, the prior arrangement was no longer working for either of you. So the road here was unpleasant, but you and she are in a better position. She is safe in an environment meets her needs and you are not trying to single handedly do what requires a team. Do not try to bring her home.
If there is a protective order I assume you cannot visit, is this what is causing you concern? Let it be, get counseling to deal with the grief, as you we be grieving your mother one way or the other......she has changed and the person you knew is gone.
Go on with your life.
I suspect you are worried about something else, like the house, or how your in law is ruining you. Or is the State pressing charges, as it sounds like you were actually arrested. If so you absolutely need a lawyer.
It is hard to imagine, if you are on the title of the house, and mom is not in the house, how you are evicted. Something does not make sense. Is the house owned outright? Does it have a mortgage? If if in foreclosure? Were you evicted in order to rent or sell it and use the income to support mom?