Trouble with shower, had no trouble at clinic. Person is 77 and has a stroke on right but still wants to be independent. Very dangerous for us. Kind person but losing cognitive ability now. Tired of the shower and her husband tells us to leave it. So we have him in the equation. I have lost eight pounds. Is it worth the trouble to push on the shower? Tracy.
Otherwise, yes, a nursing home is the next setting.
We got the tub for my husband, who LOVED it. Now Mom gets to enjoy it. But the truth is, I love it too.
My mother is not quite incontinent but she does have a mess in her underwear. She lives with my sister, and Sis puts a panty liner in each pair of undies when they come out of the drier. Mother does not object. When the time comes, my sister will replace her cloth undies with disposables. In your case, would liners work well? Since you don't live with your mother this would be harder for you, but maybe you could bring it up in a round-about way. Because of hemroids, I use liners, too. Would you be willing to claim you do? Maybe she could help you (when she is visiting) put liners in your clean undies. You could explain that it keeps you fresher and really helps the panties come out of the wash totally clean. Ask if she'd like some of the liners for her panties. I don't know ... it is a sensitive topic. My husband (dementia) used liners for several years, and then used disposable underwear. It was no problem getting him to accept this because he really wanted retain the dignity of staying dry and smelling good.
I hope you can come up with ways to help your mother accept some cleaning help and to take better care of her hygiene without a big battle. Knowing that her children accept her and love her is probably even more important to her well-being than being clean, so don't blow that!
Let us know what you try and how it works. We learn from each other.
Showers are essential to overall health for all the reasons already mentioned. Plus, you always feel good after a shower. If I'm dead tired exhausted and don't feel like taking a shower, I always feel better after and so do our loved ones.....once we get them in the shower.
To outsiders she is an upstanding pillar of the community.She presents to friends as coping well.She is in good health and goes out daily to visit friends etc so is far from housebound.She has no money worries.
On top of the above her house is dirty and smells to the extent that we are all put off from visiting for extended periods .We do encourage her to come to stay with us although even these visits are stressful due to having to keep an eye on the drinking.Her personal hygiene has also deteriorated over the last year or so and on her last extended visit to my home over Christmas I noticed on doing her washing that she is now soiling herself.She had made attempts to hide all of this by rinsing out her underwear etc and she also disguises the smell by wearing an excessive amount of perfume.She also resists showering.
Both my siblings and I are concerned about all of this and have been for a long time.My sister gets very angry about her behaviour and has her own marriage problems so has enough to deal with.My brother tends to bury his head in the sand.I therefore can feel quite isolated in terms of what I feel to be a difficult problem that casts a shadow over my otherwise very happy life and which I recognise will only get worse.I feel guilty that we dont see my mother enough but am fed up of cleaning up after her(I have done this for years as she has always been a really poor housekeeper) and I feel angry and frustrated that although I have addressed the issues of her house and the drinking with herin a kind way she doesnt listen.My brother and I are now at the stage where we feel we are going to give her no option and will do one final clean up of the house and then get a cleaner for her(she has previously resisted this).This does all feel rather bullying and we dont want to hurt feelings but we feel it is a matter of preserving her dignity and also creating an environment ihat we can all visit her in, thus improving her quality of life too.My mother would not agree to move and we would not expect her to as she has good neighbours and lives in a close and friendly community.
Can anyone advise as to whether we are approaching this in the right way?I realise we can do nothing about her drinking.I dont think she will stop and her GP has refused to discuss our concerns with us.Our mother is of sound mind and not phsically incapacitated in anyway so we dont think any professional agencies will help and she would resist this anyway.I would however really appreciate some support .Myself and my siblings have busy jobs and children and given the geographical distance it is difficult to closely monitor our mother.
Any advice or support would be very much welcomed.
Thankyou
be able to change her and his thinking, (her decision not to bathe.)
If a caregiver comes into the home, that person might be able
to persuade, whereas YOU are just irritating them! Just prior to
her next doctor appt., you might speak to the office nurse, or even try to speak with the doctor, and alert one of them that the subject of bathing needs to be brought up, hopefully without your name being mentioned. Make sure she has a shower bench or chair--and that it fits half-way or entirely into the shower stall. Some homes are just way too difficult for people with physical disabilities to negotiate around, so they move around as little as possible...can't blame them!
Another reason: disgusting. Dirty smells bad and is gross. don't get in the habit of allowing it. I appreciate that it is difficult, but just because someone grows old and infirm, that is not an excuse to live below your standards. Fresh and clean can't be beat.
Elizza and S both have great advice. We have the shower chair and hand held shower massager here and mom (89 dementia) is to the point where all I have to do is mention 'shower' and she's there. She feels good during AND after!
good luck, you can do it.
Bobbie