Heavy stuff. So the spouse ends up getting on social networks and ends up having conversations with many. So my spouse has had MVD for approximately 3 years now. But when the Drs discovered this about the spouse's health and said no more driving. Spouse has cheated multiple times off and on but I had always took the spouse back till now in a nursing facility. But to find out there is a adult child that is involved. Some how the adult child contacted a 1/2 family member and ended up doing DNA to come back high number +++. The spouse is being taken care of and I have been left with what? I do go out to eat dinner by myself and some times with other families. Would it be terribly wrong if I would ever meet anyone to have a relationship with anyone else at this point if there would ever be a opportunity?
When our spouse is no longer able to meet our needs for companionship, or more, we can be confronted with some moral choices. One thing we all need is companionship.
Is it terribly wrong to consider a relationship? Meeting someone for companionship in a platonic relationship is one thing, looking for a friend with “benefits” is another. I'm sure you know that this is your decision and our posts are merely suggestions to consider. How do you feel about your marriage vows? Apparently your husband didn't respect them, but does that let you off the hook? You might want to consider a divorce. That would break the ties completely, and give you the freedom to play the field. It would also eliminate any guilt you might experience if you were still married. But, of course, it would cost money. And funkygrandma's idea of counseling might be the best idea. I hope you don't feel judged in whatever you decide, because that's not the point of these posts. We've probably muddied the waters for you, but the decision is yours. I wish you well.
Is it 'terribly wrong' for you to go out and have an affair like your DH did to you? That depends on how YOU would feel about YOURSELF if you were to do it. If it were me, I'd get a divorce and then go out and do whatever I wanted to do. Is a divorce a viable option for you, financially? If so, you might want to contact a lawyer to see what s/he has to say on the matter and how to proceed.
You have a right to live your own life. THAT is not 'terribly wrong'. What is terribly wrong is for you to feel the need to stay married to a man who's been unfaithful to you to the point where he has a grown child as a result of his dalliances and is now in a Skilled Nursing Facility.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward with your life.
If the question is for yourself, asking us if this is "terribly wrong" I think that no one else can be the arbiter or your moral choices. That is up to you, up to what you are comfortable with, understanding that the world will wish to stand in judgement of you, and understanding the the world has no right to judge you.
So basically I am telling you, this is your OWN moral decision. What we think here on forum matters not a fig.
Why?
Not, with equally great respect to those who hold marriage vows to be sacred, because you are still married. Although I think that too would come back to bite you, seeing as it obviously is something that gives you pause.
But because you are incredibly sore and dangerously vulnerable, and it is a pound to a penny that some bottom-feeding leech would burrow into you. You cannot trust your judgement. This is emphatically NOT the time to take the risk.
Your philandering husband is now in a nursing home. The shock of there being a person in the world you knew nothing about a) is not that adult child's fault and b) is something that in time you will come to accept. This is the right time for you to take stock of your own needs, put them in order of priority, and then, in the fullness of time, see whether or not you can open up to another person.
I should start with your own health, mental and physical. Set a loose timetable, if you like: identify the major improvements you need to make, and have some key goals for three, six and twelve months' time.
I personally will never condone a married person having an affair, just because their spouse is ill in one way or another. Instead I would say, get a divorce if you are that unhappy in your marriage, as life is too short to live in misery. And 2 wrongs never do make a right, so I would think long and hard before you make any decisions that you may later regret.
You need to deal with your own baggage,(like why you chose to continue to take your husband back time and time again after he cheated) before you think about bringing another man into your mess.
Perhaps therapy should be the next best step, instead of a boyfriend.