A previous poster encountered this same issue. However, mine may be a bit different because a live-in-sibling and a brother specifically requested this aide after my parting. They are like best buddies.
This aid has been disrespectful
before. This time the aid was disrespectful about an accident one of our
elderly parents had recently. The elderly has bruises in face and body and a
lump on head. I asked the live-in-sibling and the aide what happened? The
responses from both were hostile.
I contacted hospice asking what their
findings were. They stated injuries were old according to someone. I said no they
are recent, based off visits, and please check on elder.
Please help, what to do?
More hostility from the aide, and I can't blame aide.
This is such wonderful news. I have to accept the secrets of the live-in-sibling concerning our parents. I have to accept the rudeness and possible sneaky ways of this aide who was dismissed before due to the same reason.
[To get POA, your mother would have to prove to an attorney who’s drawing up the document that she understands what she’s signing.]
I think mom would require guardianship. But I was considering getting it for my father. I was hoping it would allow me to change companies.
[But be prepared that if you do find a way to get POA, you will no longer be an observer]
I’m not understanding.
[Your brother may wash his hands of the whole situation and their care will fall to you.]
You wouldn’t believe how much of the care always did fall on me mostly and rest live-in-sibling. The only care brother has ever provided was lip service, he is not hands on.
[I’m sorry your don’t seem to be getting cooperation from anyone]
That’s upsetting. It’s like since you're not here daily anymore; you don’t have a right to know what is going on, ask questions, visit, or even call for that matter. It’s like when I interact with my parents during a visit, all eyes are on me from the live-in-sibling and aide especially the rude one. I'm uncomfortable and shouldn't be. I would rather have aids that understand these are my parents as well and I should be made comfortable. If the current company can’t provide this, I would like to be able to change companies. So live-in-sibling didn’t want me there. I finally gave what was wanted but the rest is not going to wash.
I guess I'll just see if a conversation can be had with APS for advice and maybe even an attorney.
Really don’t want to call in APS but don’t see how to get POA for mom. She has dementia but has not been declared incompetent. That would require guardianship which is expensive. So APS may be needed if I can’t get the aide out. I really feel that live-in-sibling should have called for help, but if not, it was the duty of aide to call everyone.
Then I went down to four (no change). Down to three (no change). Finally, I felt for safety reasons I had to leave position this year after a brother threatens bodily harm to my family. But even before then my doctor said time to turn loose because my health was starting to fail. Neck locked up so tight I couldn’t get in and out of bed. And the thought of going there made me sick to my stomach.
For some reason, I think live-in-sibling and aids believed my family would no longer be around. Not going to happen, we have been coming weekly but went a few days over a week this time (yesterday) due to virus and saw all the injuries. The live-in-sibling got hostile as usual when I asked what happened. And the aid said she didn’t have to answer me.
So Ii called hospice this morning including all social workers to see why not one person called me about injuries. The state worker said, she didn’t know and had not gotten any calls. The hospice social worker then contacted their nurse. I guess the nurse contacted the live-in-sibling. Even said an x-ray had already been done. So I asked shouldn’t a lump on the head from the first part of the month be gone? Now I wait to see if anyone reaches out after visit.
I have not notified the aid’s employer by phone but did get a certified mail off this morning asking for her removal. Without power of attorney of any kind, I'm not sure I can force the issue on anything.
The aid is only disrespectful to me. Live-in-sibling is a bear and others turn a blind eye including APS. I’ve asked siblings to help and nothing. I can’t think around them and should have done the pictures. Instead, we helped dad get done what he needed, spent a few more minutes with mom, and left. The tension was in the room upon entrance and only got worse.
In the future, when and if you notice injuries on either of the elders, whip out your phone and take pictures of the injuries. Don’t discount anything they tell you about their treatment by their caregivers and write down the dates and times of their comments. What’s being done to them could very well constitute abuse. If you’re of that mind, call APS and have them come out. If, upon visiting them, you notice more bruising or other injuries, pack the elder off the the ER and share your concerns with the Social Worker there.