My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
You're not just hoping out of nowhere and nothing that they will die, you're hoping for relief from the current overwhelming, painful problems, you're hoping to live a peaceful life, you're hoping to see an end to their pain and undignified end-of-life process -- and you think the only way that can happen is if someone dies.
It's a big difference to me. I've felt that feeling - wanting my father to pass, even while I did everything I could to keep him alive and well. I realize now I didn't wish so much that he would die, just that he wasn't a source of so much stress and hurt in my own life.
She can be cruel to us, is in a bad mood if we interfere with her own personal shangri-la in her head...meaning...she's fine with music, us being her personal handmaid and butler but if we need to even so much as move her and pull blankets back we get a meanie.
I wish, always for the Lord to just take Mom home. She does not know me or anyone else and she only asks for the people who are all gone to be with the Lord. Shes 86 and I honestly think there is a huge part of her that is afraid to die. She has always been afraid of her shadow and has been the damsel in distress and helpless person always. Very narcissistic and attached to my life as one for her to plan and dictate. I guess she has succeeded in a sense, but I also disengage and don't let her use her guilt tricks on me. I am ok with doing a great job some days a good job others. We deserve our lives as well.
I think you are referring to wishing death on a mean person, someone you don't like. That's pointless. To hope that a loved one is freed from suffering--a totally different dynamic.
We are with you on this. Take care,
Carol
Do you have hospice for Mom? They will guide you on the best way to keep Mom comfortable and free from anxiety.
If no one else will take care of him, call social services. Even if his behavior is caused by dementia, it doesn't seem to be a good situation for you or even for him. You aren't bad for thinking this way, but it's time to make different arrangements.
Take care of yourself while you still can.
Carol
These thought are part of the human condition, the mind. One can research this online, if still interested in the OP's question.
Is it wrong?
For those of you in that position where your parent won't move out of IL - that is the only solution. IL will not allow an Alzheimers patient to live there alone.
I just hope when she does go, it is quick and not some horrible lingering thing.
And no, I personally don't think it's "wrong" to hope someone dies. If you are suffering and there is no real respite or hope--yes, I would hope that person could die with some dignity and w/o drama. Alas, this doesn't often happen.
Wish he could have a pet where he lives but that's not an option.