The question is, Why would she say this? Her and I , at one time were best buds.. This comment actually happend just before my drs appt, and when checking in they put me on a wheel chair, and then on a strecher to check my vitals and ekg..
Could she have used the wrong word? Maybe her brain meant shame and her mouth said disgrace?
If she was just being mean, and only you would know that, can you tell her you'll be resigning if she finds your help a disgrace, you would not want to embarrass her.
If this is dementia, you are going to hear things that break your heart, you have to have thick skin and remember it's the disease not your mom. I know, easier said then done.
It sounds to me like she's saying if something happens to you, there's no one else around to step in and help with her care. Take that as a compliment, as you are the one who has stuck with her.
That's not a compliment. It's an example of another selfish, entitled, narcissistic elder who wasn't the center of attention temporarily.
When your (in general) child is laid out on a stretcher, you aren't going to be the top priority of everyone within earshot. No one should expect to be. That is not the time for the poor elder to reflect upon their life and go on about how it's a disgrace they have no one else. When your child (yours in general) is laid out on a stretcher, that is not the time to try grabbing attention or to solicit pity for yourself.
Who was supposed to pity the mother? The doctor and nurses? Or the OP who was on the stretcher? Come on.
Jose, your question is “Why would she say this? Her and I, at one time were best buds”. Chances are that back then when you were best buds, you did a lot for your mother. Seeing you on a stretcher made her think that you couldn’t be much of a support to HER. I don’t think that she was considering how much support she could be to YOU.
Thank you , hold on my weekend was typical my heart is pure and so it hurts we talked about the possibility of the debilitating condition in her brain like possible Alzheimer's or pre dementia and she's so good about talking about and understanding because she went through it with her mother I only pray to God that my heart is that he's with the kind of care that I give her because it's important to me thank you so much Margaret thank you for your kind words I truly believe this in my heart
If your mother felt the need to lay this crap on you right when you're laid out on a stretcher at the doctor's, it's an insult made by what is obviously a very selfish and narcissistic person. She wasn't the one getting attention you were so hence the disgrace that you're all she has.
It's not your fault that your mother has no one else it's her own. Parents are not supposed to be 'best buds' with their children. They are supposed to be their parents and in these situations there was usually some parentifying of the child there and that's not right or fair.
If those were her exact words, she's saying you're the one who has stuck by her. She was shaming those who are absent. I don't see anything that was said that makes her think you're not still her best bud.
I am with Hope. I am not reading this as a negative statement. Do you have other siblings that are not helping? Maybe she has siblings she feels can help. Maybe grands. So, its a disgrace that out of all her children only one helps? I don't see her calling you a disgrace. Maybe disgrace was not the word she meant to use. I see it as her thinking you need more help because you do everything.
You have not filled out your profile giving info about you or your mother, which makes it impossible to speculate why she'd be acting like this. She should feel lucky she has you caring for her at all, but if dementia is at play, she won't realize that and will be prone to saying hurtful things. Don't compromise YOUR health over HER foul mouth.
Hi Jose - when I read your comments, I interpreted what your mother said to mean that maybe she thought at this point in her life, she'd have more people still in her life. I didn't take it as a negative towards you at all - just that, she has no other family or friends left?
Did she alienate certain people in her life or possibly, she's lost family members? She's incredibly fortunate that she has you - and I'm sure that she knows it!
Most importantly, please take care of your own health and wellness.
When someone is getting put on a stretcher that is not the time for the elder to reflect on their life and shamelessly solicit pity (which I'd bet my last dollar was why the mother said it when she did) about how they have no one else. Boo-hoo her child was laid out on a stretcher. Not about her.
A person who will do that is usually doing so because they can't stand it if they are not the focus of attention at all times.
Ubelievable.
It reminds me of when I was going in for surgery myself. All my mother could think to say was 'What about me?' Not one word of concern for me, oh no. Her concern was who was going to do for her (even though she was perfectly capable at the time to do for herself) if I was not available.
Sounds like your mom has some dementia going on, which means that you have to take what she says with a grain of salt. Someone with a broken brain(dementia)often lose their filters and will say some pretty hateful things. If you are going to be your moms caregiver going forward I would suggest getting a tougher skin, and know that it's not you mom speaking but the horrible disease of dementia. Also know that you mom will only continue to get worse, so you best start getting her/your ducks in a row when it comes to not her care, but also all her important paperwork...POA's, Will, POLST or MOST forms filled out and the like. You may also want to have her tested for a UTI, as that can often present itself as dementia symptoms.
so she is saying its a disgrace that you are the only one doing the care?
I'm not sure about a "disgrace" but what will happen is that you will get stressed out quickly . so you were being taken to a hospital?
well, maybe its time for a different care arrangement for your mom then and maybe she agrees? if you have health issues and are the only person doing the caring, its not a good scenario
If she was just being mean, and only you would know that, can you tell her you'll be resigning if she finds your help a disgrace, you would not want to embarrass her.
If this is dementia, you are going to hear things that break your heart, you have to have thick skin and remember it's the disease not your mom. I know, easier said then done.
When your (in general) child is laid out on a stretcher, you aren't going to be the top priority of everyone within earshot. No one should expect to be. That is not the time for the poor elder to reflect upon their life and go on about how it's a disgrace they have no one else. When your child (yours in general) is laid out on a stretcher, that is not the time to try grabbing attention or to solicit pity for yourself.
Who was supposed to pity the mother? The doctor and nurses? Or the OP who was on the stretcher? Come on.
It's not your fault that your mother has no one else it's her own. Parents are not supposed to be 'best buds' with their children. They are supposed to be their parents and in these situations there was usually some parentifying of the child there and that's not right or fair.
Best of luck to you.
Did she alienate certain people in her life or possibly, she's lost family members? She's incredibly fortunate that she has you - and I'm sure that she knows it!
Most importantly, please take care of your own health and wellness.
Sending very best wishes ~
When someone is getting put on a stretcher that is not the time for the elder to reflect on their life and shamelessly solicit pity (which I'd bet my last dollar was why the mother said it when she did) about how they have no one else. Boo-hoo her child was laid out on a stretcher. Not about her.
A person who will do that is usually doing so because they can't stand it if they are not the focus of attention at all times.
Ubelievable.
It reminds me of when I was going in for surgery myself. All my mother could think to say was 'What about me?' Not one word of concern for me, oh no. Her concern was who was going to do for her (even though she was perfectly capable at the time to do for herself) if I was not available.
Someone with a broken brain(dementia)often lose their filters and will say some pretty hateful things.
If you are going to be your moms caregiver going forward I would suggest getting a tougher skin, and know that it's not you mom speaking but the horrible disease of dementia.
Also know that you mom will only continue to get worse, so you best start getting her/your ducks in a row when it comes to not her care, but also all her important paperwork...POA's, Will, POLST or MOST forms filled out and the like.
You may also want to have her tested for a UTI, as that can often present itself as dementia symptoms.
I'm not sure about a "disgrace" but what will happen is that you will get stressed out quickly
. so you were being taken to a hospital?
well, maybe its time for a different care arrangement for your mom then and maybe she agrees? if you have health issues and are the only person doing the caring, its not a good scenario