I'm 24 and have lived with my abusive mother my entire life. She has sheltered me (homeschool) and never letting me out of her sight. I couldn't have friends, couldn't even go to college and do anything without her. She wouldn't allow my dad in my life who was wonderful and I know its a result of her being abused by her own mother. She didn't always care for me, but rather needed me to be her personal psychiatrist and best friend. It's been very difficult, more so now that she had a mini stroke in addition to her list of serious medical illnesses. Theres no one else, her family doesn't want anything to do with her and never have. I'm an artist and do pretty well to pay for my own food and supplies and save up but now that she's back from the hospital, she isn't able to do the things she used to do and expects me to care for her. Her doctor and social workers asked if she lived alone and she told them that I was here at home and I'd keep her safe but I had no idea. I can barely take care of myself and feel my heart breaking. I don't know what to do. I find myself getting very angry and impatient and I feel so guilty. I don't know who to talk to or where to start. I've only cared for her for one day and I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. Any suggestions would help me get started in the right direction. Thank you.
You have never lived on your own? Never gone to college, spend extended time with your dad, or had friends? It is high time you started! You'll probably have to get a regular job until your art career is more stable. Starting from zero at your age is not going to be easy, but it will only get harder the more you put it off. Because it will be hard you may want to see a counselor for a while, for support. If you decide to take a few courses counselling will be available on campus. Can your dad help you financially while you get on your feet?
Your mother has imposed a huge handicap on you. It is not fatal and it can be overcome, but it will take a lot of determination and effort on your part.
Of course I can't imagine you walking out the door waving and saying good-bye mother. You'll want to make sure she adequate care. Call the social worker from the hospital. Explain that there has been a serious mistake and you are not prepared or willing to take responsibility for your mother's care. Make an appointment to go in and discuss other options and how to pursue them.
Do what you have to do to ensure that your mother is having her needs met in SOME OTHER WAY. This is NOT a job for a 24-year-old who needs to be finding her own way in the world.
similar issues who did just that, and it was helpful. My guess is your mother is going to use everything to keep you isolated at home. Do you have a relationship with your father? If so, call him. Definately call the social worker and her dr. Let them know this is not a long term solution. Be firm. Let us know how you are doing.
If I were your age and had my home school diploma, I would get a job flipping burgers or something, then apply to my local community college with art as my major. I have a feeling it would open up a new world to you without it being too overwhelming. I know finding your way won't be easy, but children are not born to take care of their parents. They are born to grow up, have a career they enjoy, get married and have children if they want, and visit with the grandparents. You can still help your mother, but you owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance for a happy life. Hugs to you.
This may or may not happen in your case. But you are ill prepared to take on this responsibility with no help from anyone. Do you have any contact with your father? Do you have a job? Are you able to live alone?
Start with her doctor and the Social Worker. Tell them you cannot be her full time caregiver. You can still care - but you should be an advocate for your mother not her only link to the world.
Take a step - make a call. Do this for your mother as well as your self. She made choices in her life. You should be allowed some too. Take care and keep us posted.
I can't encourage you enough, to start making plans to get out of there. If you are only 24, how old is your mother?
Good luck and keep writing to us.
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