If this caregiver isn't listening to you about important things, then I can certainly understand your frustration. And it is within your rights to find another carer is this one isn't living up to your expectations.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
Yes, I agree. It would have been different if that was the only grievance- but it was probably on the tail end of a very long list. I only posted that one because I was at my wits end, and probably was not appropriate. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
My mother showed the hairdresser in her nursing home a photo of herself, pre stroke, with her hair done as she liked it. This was after the hairdresser did mom’s hair in an unflattering way. The hairdresser did her hair as she preferred from then on. A good caregiver wants a client to look as they prefer
Thank you, MIL She has never worn her hair in a ponytail or pigtails, and some dementia and speech problems- not able to speak up for herself. We would like her hair put back with Bobby pins so she looks more dignified , but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
If "There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else" then you're already planning on firing her, so just let the hair thing go. Or fire her on the spot.
1) Tell caregiver not to use ‘child’ styles. 2) Tell caregiver what to do.
If caregiver is doing pigtails and pony tails, clearly M has long hair. So do I. I ‘put my hair up’ with a twist and then a large sliding clip to keep the twist next to the top back of my head. The only problem is that it’s not comfortable to lie on. I take the clip out when I lie down, and re-clip it when I get up.
I saw a lot of this at the nursing home and while I agree it can be maddening to see women who you've always known as dignified and/or style conscious made up as something totally different, most of the women in question didn't seem to care - maybe that's because that's where they were in their own minds. As long as the rest of the care is good (or even just satisfactory, because too often it's not even that) sometimes you have to let the small stuff go.
The problem with short hair is that it has to be cut regularly. That's expensive and can be hard to arrange. Shaving the head works for men (around here many shave their heads when they start to go bald), but isn't going to be acceptable for most women.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
My mother had gorgeous hair. I still giggle when I think about the specific instructions that she gave to her hair stylist.
Mom was quite stylish. In her 90’s she would tell her hair stylist not to give her a typical ‘old lady’ haircut. LOL 😆
Many women see their hair as their crowning glory, especially if they are vain like my mother was.
We have all had experiences with horrible hair stylists. I am extremely loyal to people who provide great service, but I don’t hesitate to switch to someone else if someone isn’t up to par or has a crappy attitude.
Good for the OP who found a new caregiver that will do right by her mother. If we look our best, it makes a difference in how we feel.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
2) Tell caregiver what to do.
If caregiver is doing pigtails and pony tails, clearly M has long hair. So do I. I ‘put my hair up’ with a twist and then a large sliding clip to keep the twist next to the top back of my head. The only problem is that it’s not comfortable to lie on. I take the clip out when I lie down, and re-clip it when I get up.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
Mom was quite stylish. In her 90’s she would tell her hair stylist not to give her a typical ‘old lady’ haircut. LOL 😆
Many women see their hair as their crowning glory, especially if they are vain like my mother was.
We have all had experiences with horrible hair stylists. I am extremely loyal to people who provide great service, but I don’t hesitate to switch to someone else if someone isn’t up to par or has a crappy attitude.
Good for the OP who found a new caregiver that will do right by her mother. If we look our best, it makes a difference in how we feel.
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