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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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If this caregiver isn't listening to you about important things, then I can certainly understand your frustration. And it is within your rights to find another carer is this one isn't living up to your expectations.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
Yes, I agree. It would have been different if that was the only grievance- but it was probably on the tail end of a very long list. I only posted that one because I was at my wits end, and probably was not appropriate. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
My mother showed the hairdresser in her nursing home a photo of herself, pre stroke, with her hair done as she liked it. This was after the hairdresser did mom’s hair in an unflattering way. The hairdresser did her hair as she preferred from then on. A good caregiver wants a client to look as they prefer
Thank you, MIL She has never worn her hair in a ponytail or pigtails, and some dementia and speech problems- not able to speak up for herself. We would like her hair put back with Bobby pins so she looks more dignified , but the caregiver does not listen to me, and my husband will not speak up. There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else.
If "There are several things the caregiver is not listening to, and we are working on finding someone else" then you're already planning on firing her, so just let the hair thing go. Or fire her on the spot.
You're the boss of the caregivers. You pay them, you decide how mom should look.
My mom's caregivers dressed her (comfortably) every day as she would have dressed when she went out. They put her pearls on her, and earrings that she liked. When they had time, they gave her a manicure with pretty polish. Our main caregiver had no experience with styling hair like my mom's, but she experimented with cutting it and curling it around her face. They had fun with this!
That’s the problem, the caregiver will not take direction, even when told something nicely. I have spoken to my husband about this, and he says he will talk with her.
I saw a lot of this at the nursing home and while I agree it can be maddening to see women who you've always known as dignified and/or style conscious made up as something totally different, most of the women in question didn't seem to care - maybe that's because that's where they were in their own minds. As long as the rest of the care is good (or even just satisfactory, because too often it's not even that) sometimes you have to let the small stuff go.
I certainly think that if this is something that is distressing to you, that you could request they not do this. If, however, your mother's hair is quite long they may have reasons to keep it back and out of her face, into her food, etc.
Simply discuss it I would think. You are here discussing it with a bunch of strangers who have no power in this matter. I sure do wish you the best of luck.
The problem with short hair is that it has to be cut regularly. That's expensive and can be hard to arrange. Shaving the head works for men (around here many shave their heads when they start to go bald), but isn't going to be acceptable for most women.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
My neighbor's Mother had long snow white hair. She wore it down and with bobby pins to hold it back. When Mrs. L went into hospice I went to visit her and her bobby pins were slipping out-I took them out and she let me brush her hair a little bit. I loved that lady so much. She couldn't talk because of a previous stroke but we understood each other. Is there any way you could show the caregiver what you would like for your MILs hair to look like? Best thing might be to get another caregiver. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But for me - hairstyling would be so incredibly far down on my list of priorities.
As long as my MIL was safe, happy, clean, dressed, fed, given her medications, etc., how someone styled her hair would be unimportant to me. Especially if she AND my husband had no issues with it.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. And "hair hill" isn't the one I'm willing to die on.
We have found another caregiver who is great and actually listens. Thank the Lord!!
My mom's caregivers dressed her (comfortably) every day as she would have dressed when she went out. They put her pearls on her, and earrings that she liked. When they had time, they gave her a manicure with pretty polish. Our main caregiver had no experience with styling hair like my mom's, but she experimented with cutting it and curling it around her face. They had fun with this!
Simply discuss it I would think. You are here discussing it with a bunch of strangers who have no power in this matter. I sure do wish you the best of luck.
Long hair is easier to cut, and not difficult to pin back. My husband cuts mine. I hold the hair in the place that a ponytail rubber band would be, and he just cuts a couple of inches off the end. It takes two minutes, and is still the correct length to be twisted up. I haven't spent a penny on it for over 20 years. In the mirror, it looks surprisingly like my old 'Mia Farrow' short cut, a good balance for my very square jaw.
Is there any way you could show the caregiver what you would like for your MILs hair to look like?
Best thing might be to get another caregiver.
Good luck.