Does anybody out there have a parent or in-law that acts like this? This came from an article I read about the spoilt brat / narcissist behavior. Please explain to me how you deal with this behavior and how much do you allow it to actually control your life before either just putting your foot down and saying enough and calling their bluff or backing away from the situation. I realize that they are our parents but when is enough just enough?
that a reality. So mostly it's pure fantasy until the kind hearted care giver
steps in, totally unaware that they are going to be used horrifically.
You see, despite narcissists being delusional, one part of them is keenly aware
of how to behave in public and how to garner attention and approval. They
don't form real bonds as they're afraid everyone else is as Machiavellian as
they are. They assume the care giver is out to get them a great deal of the
time. Be it an inheritance, a family business, connections or simply inclusion.
They are like feral animals that crave living in a home, but due to paranoia
must always be on the lookout for an escape and also perversely feel the
need to destroy the home and care givers within as they make that escape.
I have never known a narcissist, malignant or otherwise, not to damage their
caregivers or right hand person, even if it's just idle damaging gossip. To care
for a narcissist is to invite damage. Let them know you're hurt, only incites them more. Remorse is either calculated or so short lived as to be useless.
There is no fixing a narcissist. Only by a terrible tragedy, abandonment or
by some miraculous introspection, will they change. They change without
you, not with your help.
For a narcissist, it is only enough when you either walk away, become too ill
to function or you die. Take your pick. If waiting for the above change of
heart, know it is as likely as remission from schizophrenia. 3%. And it must take place without you. They never change if their care giver is on hand to
continue softening the blows of real life and providing the fantasy.
Enough is never, never enough with a narcissist. Unless you're dead.
Concentrate on staying healthy yourself. Reduce contact as much as you need to. I have found narcissists use money as part of their control. Get your self detached and emotionally distanced. There is good info online about narc mothers.
((((((hugs))))))
28 days ago
I'm with Bettina Haley... Get out if you can... when you can... 'They have no conscience ... It's those that care like you that suffer because you 'feel' (I'm also realizing this after decades of beating my head against a wall)... Nothing phases them... You've lost your daughter... That's enough for you to endure. Please know that you're a wonderful person... and, that you deserve a Beautiful life... without them (they don't deserve you)... 'We' must learn to not play into this toxic and dangerous game of the sick. ]
Heart2heart:
I agree with you 100 percent.
I think too many people try to rationalize the behavior of malignant narcissists. They try to use logic to explain to them when they make hurtful comments. They likely do this hoping it will bring about a change of heart in an NPD.
This however is simply feeding the narcissist. They take pleasure in knowing how and why they hurt you. They will not use it to educate themselves on how to treat you better.
So telling them exactly what they said or did to hurt you or even acknowledging that they hurt you simply feeds their need for narcissistic supply.
There is a book called:
"People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil" By M. Scott Peck ...
Peck is now dead and at the time he wrote the book he received a lot of flack from the medical profession because he labeled people with NPD as being truly evil.
Perhaps he was right. They are just evil, no matter the root cause.
When dealing with a malignant narcissist or NPD the best thing to do is to remove yourself from their lives, before they inflict so much damage that you become just like them.
can experience. And you're living in a toxic environment now and how can you heal?
My mom should have been institutionalized, actually she was frequent topic of
convo with neighbors who wanted her placed because she was so combative
even with them. I was her care giver and everyday was hell with her. This kind
of experience can cause PTSD and its tough to get over,
You need to heal and live your life in a loving peaceful environment.
You've already done your time. You're luckier than most you've got a good job
and friends. Don't.lose.them. Go! Heal yourself and enjoy your life. Your mom
doesn't want to enjoy hers and likewise wants to prevent you from enjoying yours.
Get her set up and get the hell out. They will sap all the joy out of
your life. Don't let them!!!!!!! It wont help them anyways ,and it sure as hell wont help
you!! Good luck and (((hugs)))) .
and Overeaters Anonymous. Even if there isn't an active alcoholic currently in your
family, the destructive behavior and chaos of a narcissistic family member(s) is quite
similar to that of an alcoholic. And it really helps to have some support when you're too tired to even leave the house and you're beginning to doubt your own sanity.
Also, I used to drink to deal with the stress of dealing with the perpetual chaos caused
by the narcissists on my life. I switched to comfort eating and I'm finding that certain foods will really trigger depression. And It's pretty entrenched for me to reach for food when I'm stressed now. OA support groups have definitely started to help.
Well said --themiddleseat! Thank you for sharing that wisdom.