I have always lived no more than 30 miles from my Mother. We have always been extremely close, like best friends too. My brother lives out of state. He and I have always had a non-existent relationship. He maybe visited my Mother in the past ten years, two times. He is a bully and very controlling. Since he doesn't like me and is jealous of my Mother and my relationship, he slowly has taken things away from me, credit card I had for emergency use for my Mother (that she gave me), key to her house (that she gave me), he changed the locks, and now as of Easter Sunday he has a no-trespass warning on me to not visit in my Mother's home. And when I try to call, the boyfriend will not let me speak to her. What can I do legally to allow me to visit my Mother on a weekly basis as this is NOT what she would EVER want. This is elderly abuse from what I can tell. Can anybody help?
Maybe she was afraid and needed him to live with her instead of the 30 mile occasional visit that you could provide.
Did you see your Mom on Easter Sunday? Was she healthy, happy and well cared for? Do other providers, doctors, caregivers, friends visit with her? If you are innocent and truly concerned for Mom. call the police or bring a family friend (3rd party) with you to visit. If your brother won’t allow you to visit, step away and calmly call the police and request a wellness check. They will speak with Mom and investigate your Moms condition (grooming, state of mind and cognitive functioning etc. ) how the home is kept, and make a record of their findings in the incident report.
If it is true that you are concerned, you should ask for recent medical records and prescription records that would reveal that Mom is getting care and taking meds. To make sure Mom is not subjected to medical neglect by your brother. Of course since you and Mom were so close, you probably have already called neighbors etc. who would also have concerns for your Mom’s well being.
Elder attorneys have no genuine concern for your Mom - they only want to get paid.
If all of the above checks out- extend an olive branch by asking your brother how you can support him in caring for your Mom.
Good Luck!
Document everything with dates and what happened. This happened to me and my sibling poisoned my mom against me telling her lies & that I was trying to steal her money. She had dementia & was afraid to go against him.
APS was useless along with every other agency I tried to get help from. He got her to amend her trust removing myself & my kids leaving everything to him 100%.
When she went in a nursing home I contacted Alliance For Better Long Term Care & I finally got to see her before she passed. I only wished I had gotten a lawyer sooner……you need someone who does litigation. Best of luck to you.
Separate from this issue with the brother, if she is competent she gets to decide who visits her own property regardless of any POA. If tge is competent and the boyfriend won’t let you talk to her or even have her come on the phone to say what she wants, you could conceivably have a basis for calling APS….if you have belief she is in danger or being held prisoner (which is more than just hearing that she doesn’t want to see you).
Something is not right here. Why, if you were the one closest to mom, did You not have POA, and why or how did your siblings have it?
This should serve as an example for all. If you want to live with parents before they become feeble or are the primary caregiver, make sure you get POA and not one of your siblings who visits twice a year and on holidays. If you can’t convince parents to sign over POA to you, and instead one of your siblings has POA, be aware that you will be in a very vulnerable and precarious situation.
A POA who acts like this is certainly not looking out for the best interest of the parent
An elderly infirm parent can easily be swayed to believe the unscrupulous POA & follow his instructions
You need to take responsibility for 'allowing' it without - perhaps - intervening before now. While water under the bridge, why haven't you asserted yourself and your 'rights' sooner - over the years? Are you intimidated by your brother? Something is going on inside you that you need to admit / address; there is likely a lot of history that you are not sharing with us. You don't have to although you have to admit it to yourself.
As things are now, the only recourse I see is you getting an attorney.
I am not sure why you ask us "What can I do legally to allow me to visit ...)
I do not know or understand why you haven't enlisted an attorney yet.
It seems like you need to assess how you feel about your brother and the relationship you've had for perhaps decades. It has everything to do with why you've waited this long to address the need / issue. You need to have a conversation with your brother although I would recommend you contact an attorney first.
Gena / Touch Matters
This doesn't happen out of the blue. Why not tell us what happened that caused him to say this. If your visits are bringing dissention in to the home, and brother is POA, then this may be one reason you are forbidden to visit.
Your brother, who is POA may also be concerned about this credit card use. Did you make purchases for yourself on that credit card, and if you in what amount?
You also say you have never had a relationship with this brother.
So we are missing most of the real story here and could only guess at the reasons this happened.
Short of contacting APS and an elder law attorney in your area I cannot think of anything you can do about this. Apparently the boyfriend and your brother are in agreement on this.
I wish you luck.
You can get a consultation with an elder care attorney about all of this, but I honestly believe the POA holds all the cards here.
Best of luck to you.