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My 83 year old mother has had a steady cognitive decline over the past few years. It's recently gotten bad enough that I've taken on all of her financial responsibilities as her power of attorney. During this transition I have uncovered that my older brother has been asking her for significant amounts of money over the past 10 years, which she has given him. In the last four months she has given him over $50k in cash and he's used her credit card for over $8k in unauthorized purchases.


She told us that he won't leave her alone and pressures her to the point where she just gives in and gives him the money. She will not press charges for the credit card theft and just doesn't want to confront him in any way.


I should add that we recently found out that he and his wife are in significant financial trouble for unpaid taxes. His house is now part of a lawsuit brought on by the federal government and he's been pressuring our mother to take out a mortgage on her home so they can pay off the debt.


I have taken over her bank accounts and now have some control over her liquid assets but he is relentlessly coming after her for money. Is there anything that can be done to stop the harassment? Can he be reported to an agency that would actually take action? The main problem I'm running into is that she always gives in and sends him the money. Her family, friends, and attorney are all telling her to stop but she won't. She won't because it's the only way he'll stop harassing her.


I am in the process of moving my mother into an assisted living arrangement, but I feel like she's under constant attack from my brother asking for more money which is causing her a lot of undue stress and anxiety.



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I have been dealing with this from siblings and his wife for the past 14 years. Bro and wife wrote checks on mommas checking account, walked into the bank and withdrew money on mommas account, tried to convince momma that she needed to pay for neice ap classes when she was going to high school, charged up momma's cc, tried to convince momma in gifting everybody 15000.00 each after my dad died, wanted momma to pay for neices wedding, tried to influence momma in changing her poa and among other things. Now bro thinks that he is entitled to a condo that dad sold 22 years ago because dad had it in his first will. Dad had since updated his will. Income from condo goes to momma but bro and wife keep pushing. But you know what momma defends, lies and makes excuses for bro when she knows he is in the wrong. She will turn it around and blame me. I have had to take away the cc and the checking account when momma went into assisted living. Of course I am the bad person because momma cannot dole out the money like she has for the past 25 years and everybody is mad at me because the gravy train stopped. We are talking about a 66, 61 and a 25 year old.
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I had Immediate POA for my Mom. That means it was in effect ASA she signed the paperwork. She was still competent at the time but I was able to take over as she declined without needing a doctor saying she was incompetent. So see how ur POA reads. If Immediate just ask Mom if she wants u to handle her finances and that includes telling brother...no more money. His mother is not responsible for his debts or way of life. You just tell DB that you are POA and you are now in charge of the money.

If the POA needsca doctor to claim her incompetent, take her to a lawyer and have it changed that she wants you to handle her money now.
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You are now the PoA (unless you weren't given financial authority). You have every legal authority to stop her from giving anything to him.

You can take your case to an attorney (this is not the domain of the police) and see what you'd need to press charges against him, but you'll need to first prove that she had dementia and so didn't know what she was doing.

You can get a restraining order and block his number from her phone.
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POA means you act in her best interests in a time when she’s not able to do so for herself. That time is clearly now. Cancel the credit card and cut off her access to cash. Your mother is being abused and you’re the one to stop it. No explanations are needed to your sibling. Give mom only very small amounts of cash at a time. Take over all aspects of her banking and bill paying. I did this for my father and immediately put a stop to some inappropriate asking him for money. You’re mother trusted you for this, I wish you well in implementing change
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You are her POA. She has told you she wishes not to give him this money but is pressured. Then she gets a small allowance and this enables her to say "Sorry, hon, I don't have the money; Mainemade is handling all that; you can ask him". And you say no.

Now if your mother is not incompetent and she has the money and control of the money then she is free to give it to whomever she wants. So I would see to it that you and she go to an attorney now and arrange all the accounts so you are in control and she has an allowance fund. She can then give it to him or use it on Home Shopping Network; up to her.

If you don't do this the brother will get the money.
My brother, when he was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's set everything up this way with myself as Trustee and POA and him having an account with 1,000.00 for spending.

You know I am certain, all about meticulous record keeping and how to put yourself on accounts not as co owner, but as POA, and how to sign as her POA. If not, the opportunity at the attorney's office is a learning experience as well.
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If your power of attorney is active or you have her permission maybe the simplest thing to do is remove her ability to give him money at all. Her credit card can be canceled and replaced with either a new card with a small limit or a prepaid option that you manage, I use True Link for my mom who can no longer manage her money or resist scams.

Other ideas to pick and choose from as you see fit:
You could keep the established credit card and just ask the company for a new number as long as you keep possession of the card.
You could open a new separate checking account with only a small amount of money in it if she needs/wants the ability to write checks.
You could put all her bills on autopay directly from her bank accounts, eliminating the need for checks that could be stolen or made out to brother completely.

A thought is if your POA is activated you may have a fiduciary duty to at least report any thefts your brother commits from that time forward, whether your mom will press charges or not. Definitely would spend the money on an attorney and find out exactly what your rights and your responsibilities are.
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Have your mom file a Police report for harassment and go to court with her and file a restraining Order against him . He won't get better he will get worse . She has to make a boundary or she will Be Bled dry . I Have dealt with people Like this they dont stop the harassment until the get what they want .
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