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So, found out yesterday Mark and his nephew have been doing some scheming behind my back. Mark decided to go live with Robert (the nephew) and Mark will use his disability check to cover his living expenses. This is supposed to happen after he gets out of rehab. Mark believes in two months he will be able to be mobile enough to get into a wheelchair by himself and go use the toilet. Right now he needs assistance rolling over and to be put into a wheelchair. He will be paying his nephew to renovate a room. Even though Mark is still on our lease, he refuses to help me pay bills saying "I don't live there anymore, I don't owe you anything." He is demanding that he keep Babygirl. His nephew will not take care of her properly and Mark will not be able to.


I am paying the nephew now to help drive me to work from the payment we were making on our car. The nephew says this is not enough money. The nephew will not help me pay any bills and gets drunk off his butt. I would be fine with Mark wanting to move in with Robert, except I hate to think that he would be wallowing in his own waste because Robert will not change him (he was bedridden before and he wouldn't do it and Mark's daughter was alive and doing it) or help shower him. I told Mark we could proceed with the divorce and he could get Medicaid, but he blew up stating he doesn't want to be in a crappy nursing home.

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Hi Alva, thanks for thinking of me. I have had some interviews two days after getting here and debating whether so should take a kindergarten teacher position. I said I was not the world's best teacher, but I guess I could give it a shot for a year. Librarian jobs are scarce and I have a year to finish my degree, so maybe I should.

It is nice and people are friendly. I got out of Mesquite just before those huge storms hit with downed power lines and major damage. I am sad a lot but trying not to let others know.
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No, DM, there's no way Mark could tolerate a revision in the surgery to hips, not to my mind.
How are you adjusting to your new place. Have thought of you.
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Mark saw a specialist for his hip and the pins are messed up. They said it would require another full hip replacement, but the surgeon told him with his current conditions the surgery could wind up killing him, so no hip revision.
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DM,

So sorry for the loss of your pups. Our animals become a part of our family. We grieve for them.

You have been through so much grief with Mark. I hope you’re at peace with your life now.

Take care.
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Mark was told by a doctor he is looking at 2 to 3 years so I guess he is finally realizing things are not great. The divorce papers are filed so hopefully he can get Medicaid and palliative care with the oxygen. I did get an urn for him with two of our dogs' remains to be sent to him, Polly and Kawaii. We both cried and I am trying to be kind to him and I hope he gets good care.
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Thanks DoggieMom for this update on your journey. So glad it went well this step, as it's a big one. You will be really busy for a while. We will stay tuned!
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DoggieMom,

Glad the trip went smoothly for you and your pups.
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Doggie mom,

I'm so glad you are getting your life together, I'm sure you still worry and still think, to much probably, if your anything like me. But your doing awesome. I'm glad the doggies are happy too. You have finally found so peace in your life.

I'm sure you will have bad days like we all do , just brush them off and soke up the good days.
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I made it to my rental here in NM. I began training the dogs with the crates over a month ago. They got used to being on them because I gave them lots of treats and practiced putting them in. The flight went well. Sky barely turned 2 so still very puppish did whine for some but not much. Pepita zoned out, but she is 8 so much more chill. No big hiccups really. Mark will be released from the hospital as it was just to keep an eye on his blood pressure.
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No it is not a surprise. He has now been placed on oxygen. No one will bring up pallative care.
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I am trying to not let my depression get the better of me. I have been applying for jobs and had about six interviews so far, I am frustrated that I have no heard back yet, but it has only been two weeks since my last one and they say prime hiring season for education in my location will be in July. I had a wave of sadness hit me today I guess because I will be in New Mexico on Saturday and I realize my life here in Texas is really coming to a close.

I was surprised to find out that Medicare charges a co-pay for oxygen, I guess I thought that Mark's insurance would cover it. I am sure he will have to have portable oxygen as he needed it to move down with Robert and with one lung being scarred, I am sure he will need it. Mark has had COPD for a long time, so I guess it's not too surprising. I wish they could 100% say what is causing him to have fluid build-up.
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Doggiemom, sad is ok, sad is a natural normal response, as long as you don't let it turn into depression. Stay strong!
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Thanks Alva, I am up and down, mostly just sad but trying to stay positive. I do know that most of his medical history has been transferred.
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DoggieMom,
I am sorry for this update on Mark. He will have a whole different medical team. Happily today they can get the records, but Mark's history is such a long one and they really don't have time to go over reams and reams of material to catch up on everything.
I think the move is difficult and I don't know how good the medical is there, but I think none of this bodes well.
I think that you have long known that Mark is a dying man, beset with all he has, there being no real cure for it, he has chosen to fight on and he will likely do that throughout.
I just am sorry. There's nothing else to say. I know you are now dealing with your own feelings of being separated through these bouts.
How are YOU doing?
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NeedHelpWithMom yes is is tough. I make no predictions on anything these days, as all caregivers know it can go up and down, good to bad.
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DM,

Mark has been through many stages. It’s not easy for him or others to see this happening.
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Wow, things just keep turning for the worse. Mark hasn't been down in that part of Texas but four days and is in the ICU. He had more fluid build-up and they drained a liter of fluid in his lungs and I his right lung is having problems inflating much at all, hence the oxygen and the fluid build-up. Robert says Mark's blood pressure dropped to 60 on the high end, that is lower than it's ever been.
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Good, Doggiemom, you are slowly realizing this is no longer in your control. Back away. There is no reason now for you to know WHAT nephew spends on. And you should NOT know. Just back away muttering "not my circus not my monkeys". Nothing you can do. I know it will be hard to exticate yourself from this, but meddling in it will cause grief and dissention and help nothing.

This is what it will be and it won't be easy. Nothing about it ever was, right? Best place for you is 1,000 miles away.
When you talk on the phone discuss the weather. Be polite, don't ask, don't tell.
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My feelings are very mixed, but that's to be expected. I just hope Mark's nephew is wise enough to navigate the system. I do know his nephew has been spending Mark's money on things he shouldn't ($200 at a liquor store, for example). It is not my problem anymore, but it does make me sad to see a man who is only sixty-two in such bad physical shape.
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DoggieMom,
You've got such a good heart. I know how complicated your feelings and thoughts are about all of this. Try to journal through it so you can work through it a bit in your mind. It must be a swirling stew of repetitive thoughts. There are so many levels of complexity here for both you and for Mark.
I've followed this story right along and I am convinced these are the right moves for all involved. Mark will feel more in control. You won't have to try to control what cannot BE controlled. And you will build slowly the life you deserve, still caring about this man you've loved.
Joan Didion once said that she "writes so I know what I think" and I guess this is true for lots of us. It helps the brain work it out. I think that our dreams help us work out where our head is at as well.
I have been following your story and am convinced that you would do just about anything for the good of all involved and I believe you have slowly and surely made all the right moves in this. That is not going to make it hurt less. Hugs to you, woman. Hug your pups close and love on them. Allow yourself to weep, then dry the tears, take a few motrin, and move on best you can. I am glad you have support.
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I'm sure it hurts , doggiemom, we all have are crosses to bear. You lost a dream and the future you thought you where going to have. And it's so hard to see anyone you care about deteriorating. My 🙏are with you.
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DoggieMom,

I am sorry. It’s natural to grieve for what could have been. No one anticipates these kind of problems in a marriage.

Sending hugs and support your way.

All you can do is grieve for the hard times and move forward to a better future. I wish you peace during this transitioning stage in your life.

Take care.
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So, Mark left today for Edinburg with his nephew. I admit I cried. Cried seeing him on oxygen and for the loss of the life we used to have. I cried, but I will be ok, it is just hard to start my life again. Mark has lost a lot of weight and muscle mass. It is sad to watch him declining.
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No, it is not a surprise. I figured something was going on to have so much fluid being drained from his lungs all the time. His oncologist said five months ago he had severe liver scarring which was causing a lot of problems with his blood (especially red blood cells). I found out from his nephew that he has been put on oxygen. I am not sure if this is a long-term measure or not.
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Well I'm sure none of this comes as a surprise, doggiemom.

Hopefully having a diagnosis makes things easier now.
And he gets good care.
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Well, they diagnosed Mark with Hepatic Hydrothorax which is why the fluid keeps building up in his lungs. The prognosis is not great about a year or so. He has liver cirrhosis from taking meds to help prevent cyst growth in his kidneys. They will have home health drain a lung cathedar, so pretty much comfort measures.
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Just keep practicing detaching your self. 👍❤️
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Yes! YES, Doggie Mom. Great news to hear from you, and you are absolutely correct. You can keep caring but withdrawing participation and caregiving. You are correct absolutely!
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I do still care about Mark, but this is more in a detached way. I am moving at the end of the month and next week his nephew will be moving him to Edinburgh. The divorce papers are filed and should be approved after sixty days. I am currently interviewing for another job at the college and did an interview for the public schools last Thursday. I can be care without involving myself directly in what is a big mess and will get worse from here on out.
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Your fine doggie mom!! Ive told you before I get it and how hard it is to detach yourself from anyone thats been in your life for so long.

It just means your a good caring person. ❤️
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