My mean mother (made mean by age and health problems) continues to mentally
abuse me. I'm cussed at and talked mean to daily. The latest happened this morning. I had a new furnace/ac installed last fall and the furnace is not kicking on properly when the thermostat is raised. I had it checked and a replacement part has been ordered. My mother insists that I broke the furnace because I raised/lowered the temperature on the thermostat. I've been called a son of a bitch many times over this. She insists that I broke the furnace and has not waved from this......it's my fault that it's not working. Yesterday evening I tried to get away for a few hours. I left at 5:30 pm and returned at 7:50. When I left, my mother immediately went and locked herself in her room. She is afraid of everything! When I came home she came out of her room as I entered the house. I was immediately was called a son of a bitch for leaving those few hours. As I have told you folks before, I am in a crazy controlled environment. I'm living with a bitter old woman who (has always been a worry wart) has developed into someone who is insanely frightful of someone "getting her".....of a crook breaking in and harming her. It is craziness! But hey......this is my life......just another day in paradise!
Go to your room (install a lock if you have to) and give yourself time to calm down. Find out (if you have the time) about elder resources so maybe you can get someone to come in and help. I would lose my mind if we didn't have caregivers. I also try to remind myself "she has a disease & her brain is dying," to remain calm, but it is still hard to take.
I don't know if your Mom has Dementia (it sounds possible), so I disagree with Debralee. The Alzheimer's Association says you can NEVER win an argument with someone with Dementia, and giving someone ultimatums isn't going to work. She will either not care (because she thinks she is always right) or forget what you say -- believe me, I know that for a fact. Also, as I've seen others suggest, get her to the doctor and get her on some meds to help with her aggressive attitude & have her tested for Dementia.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm looking into assisted living communities because I just can't handle it much longer. And that is going to be hell because the only way she will go is kicking and screaming. Not to mention the guilt I feel for even considering it.
I'm working really hard to not allow my Mom to suck my soul dry with. All her anger & hatefulness. But it is really hard. Do your best to reach out for support and do not give her the power to hurt you. She is sick & doesn't realize she is sick. My Mom's been in denial for 2 years. Contact me anytime. I'm pretty good at doing research if you need help.
debralee - I agree with you and I have given ultimatums occasionally. They do have an effect if you follow through, though mother is still difficult to deal with.
mover2 - why do you feel guilty about your mum being on meds that calm her? Surely her life is better and so is yours, She may have an imbalance of brain chemicals and the meds could be righting that balance. My mother was prescribed a meds for paranoia and her anxiety decreased considerably. I don't see anything to feel guilty about if your mum's quality of life has improved.
roscoe - why don't you start building some good memories in your life?