So many well-meant responses and advice from here were met with 'I am not so sure about that' most of the time, when I said my dad would never adjust or settle due to his habitual stubborness. But lo and behold he is coming around. He has made good friends, residents who look out for him and have helped so much in the beginning when he wanted to slip out of the facility and kept him under control by being really nice to him, that all he could do was to be 'dutiful'. We visited him yesterday and on impulse decided to take him out for scones and tea. We asked if his one friend would join and it went down quite well during and on their return. My dad asked what place it was when we arrived at the gates but his friend told him that it was where they stayed. He mentioned once that his been there a long time, five weeks, and wants to go home and in the same breath he says that the facility is fine and that he is okay, but still thinks he should be going home. At home he is very alone other than the house help, and he loves people. I think he likes the fact that he is surrounded by people and that he can go to his room any time he wants and rest or watch television and go to the lounge or garden where there are friends.
We can hardly believe the transformation and all of you who wrote were so right. It was of course difficult for all of us in the beginning, but it is now a huge relief to see him doing well and accepting his surroundings.
He is still on the Zoxadon and is quite calm and I am not sure if that is the only way to keep him controlled, but he appears to have no other side effects other than being passive. It makes visiting him 'normal' and pleasant. He is chattier now than when he was home and I think having people around him has helped with his memory.
My mother has to have round the clock care and we placed her in a nursing home. Her dementia is getting worse, but her outlook seems to be improving.
Mom was never into crafts or gardening or needlework or social clubs. So we are totally amazed that she goes to every craft session they have -- she's made several bracelets (!). She loves the entertainment they provide. She plays bingo at least once a week. She watches television in her room, but less often then she did at home. My sisters and I ask "Who is this person and what have you done with our mother?"
Not everyone transitions nicely to living in a care center, but it certainly can happen!
Still keeping fingers crossed :)