My mother (in ALF) calls me constantly to complain and cry. When I visit (which is very often) she cries, begs to go home, and has every medical ailment known to mankind. When other people come around, she becomes perfectly fine. No tears, no complaining, nothing. She was giving me a particularly hard time yesterday, so my husband finally answered the phone and she was great with him. This is really starting to wear on me. I can't seem to do enough for her. Does anyone else experience this?
We had problems with my MIL as well before she moved in with us. We had to take her car away for safety reasons and she would call and call. I just let her vent on the machine as these conversations are no good for anyone. I would return the call later and if the conversation started going in the wrong direction; I would end it. Not good for them and not good for us.
Try to not feel guilty for putting your feelings into words. It is a form of venting and on this forum, so many of us can relate and someone can benefit from your post. Take care.
I learned to shrug it off.....not easy thing to do....but absolutely necessary. I think she would treat my father and me the worst because she knew we would never abandon her no matter how she treated us; even though other family members did. I would keep the visits short when she became abusive I distanced myself as that was the only way to deal with it.
I had to develop a thicker skin and not care what the workers at the nursing home thought due to her lies. "I knew what I knew" - I knew the truth - mental illness takes all shapes and forms. Often, if I stayed away for a time; she was better for it. I would never confront her as that would never work. Walking away did work - I would not stay and enable her if she was confrontational. At least there were some nurses who knew what I went through and that helped, the rest did not matter.
Know in your heart, you are a wonderful daughter and you have done much good for her. She knows it, but will never give you the credit....you know what you know..... and that is all that matters. Hugs and take care.