Im not even sure where to start but i care for my mum at least 6 days a week-the usual cook drive,organize her day ect (i have 3 young kids,my sister works full time). We are not exactly financially flush and as my sister took it upon herself to be appointed EPOA I have asked her tonight if i could have mums secondary card so when im out i can get things for her without sometimes making the extra trip to pick her up,take her to the shops and bring her home (all the while getting kids crying and cranky in and out of car seats ect). I was absolutely floored when the response was "i cant just start give you a card to mums account so you can use it when ever you feel like it". To me this is suggesting mistrust and when i confronted her on it she refused to talk any more.. i sent her a message explaining i was coming from a practical point of view and wouldnt be used every day. What makes it worse was the condecending,lying response. I was told that under no circumstances would she be handing mums card to anybody (im not anybody,im mums daughter with 3 kids,3 step kids,1 income,paying child support for 3 kids and hubby works away on an average income). She has 2 homes with her partner,no kids (and no tolerance) and in the last month has seen mum twice since she was stopped from driving. Mum doesn't eat when shes on her own so you physically have to be there to make sure she eats. She says she takes her meds but ive checked and she doesnt. My sister did offer to take 1 day...1 DAY a weekend to take mum shopping and cook food for her for the week so im not out of pocket. Is it just me or does this just feel like a "wham bam, ive done my bit and now i can ignoe mum til next sunday. She doesnt ring (even though she says she does) . Ive been checking mums phone due to a person taking advantage of her and just happen to notice my sister hadnt called once in 3 weeks but said she had. She is a very overbaring person that likes control. Its not about the money but the fact im being told no i cant just use it whenever i want. I feel really offended and feel like she has not a clue about the reality of our situation. Am i over reacting or does this happen alot. . Sorry for the rant!
If not, then you will really need to set aside time, do a budget, an expense report - and show sis your figures. Show her your average monthly spending for mom's expense. Tell sis that with credit cards,she can go online and check out where you're charging mom's card. She can always text you about the charge. In return, you will keep all the receipts charged for mom, scan and email it to sis. (Best to get a low cost printer/scanner for this purpose. Saw one at Kmart for about $75.00 on sale a year go.) The printer/scanner should be paid from mom's account since sis will need the receipts as back-up to your charges.
If sis still refuses, perhaps make an appointment with an elder care lawyer for advice.