I live in a different country from my mom, who is home alone and quite lonely and depressed. She suffers from heart problems AND recently, hip problems. She can't have surgery on her hips due to her heart problems, and is therefore in a lot of pain.
I feel so guilty for not being there to assist her. I know she is lonely, and she is too stubborn to move into a nursing home or assisted living. And I don't want to ask her to do that either, because I know that is something she does not want. The most I can do is call her every day, but as time goes on, I feel this is not enough.
Is anyone in a similar position to me and feeling the guilt? How am I supposed to assist my mom, while continuing on with my life??
If she has very basic pc/tablet skills you can use a free web site called plumbmetrics. I travel and use it to get status on my Dad each morning. Not the same as being there, but helpful when trying to get a few health details, or just show them you care and thinking about them. Good Luck.
I am trying to get her to 'hang out' with women her age...but I think she is very shy and also in denial that she is getting older! I will try to recommend the YMCA, I think that is a great idea. As far as hiring someone, I think that may be an option I will look into. I have called around to some organizations and there may be one or two options.
@equinox, the saddest part is that I am NOT the only family member! In fact, my brother and sister live within 5 miles of my mom. Although my sister makes an effort, she can be selfish and forget. And as far as my brother....well...lets not go there ;-). We do have a DPOA, thank goodness.
sounds so very familiar. I can understand your concern. is your mom involved with church group, book club, senior center. To hire somebody you certainly need to have somebody you trust. Do you have a Dpoa that includes to be involved with her medical issues. Especially you being out of the country, that would be something to consider on your next trip . Sounds like you are an only family member. I am sure you will do what's best for your mom.
Take care of yourself also.
Equinox
I know that when I was a member of the YMCA there was a wonderful group of elderly people that seemed to be very close. The women all seemed to be in the pool doing aquatic aerobics and the men all seemed to be sitting in the foyer drinking coffee and playing cards. Many of the women in the pool were not actually exercising but just standing in a group in the shallow end chatting. It was really very sweet to see. Is your mom mobile enough to join the Y? I know there is the Silver Sneaks Club that covers the cost for many seniors.
It is nice that people are giving her their number to call! Maybe you could call for her once or twice? Make that first step for her. Set something up for her from afar with her permission.
Is she capable of caring for a pet? My Mom finds so much comfort in her dog. She goes to the shelter and fines the ugliest and the oldest dog and adopts it and they inevitably just adore her and give her so much love.
Just tossing things out there for you hoping one sticks. If I think of anymore I will let you know!
I would love for her to make some friends....do you have any recommendations that I could give her? I tell her, that when people offer her their number, she is not being needy by calling them up. In fact, these people probably want friends as well! But she seems to think that by calling them she is needy.
Thank so much for the kind words, its nice to know that people care :-)
I wish I could be moe help to you but Imdo not know what to say. Just best wishes and blessings to you. I hope you can find a solution that works for you both!