I am asking this question because I notice that it periodically comes up in a number of the comments that I’ve read. I hope that respondents feel safe sharing whatever they are comfortable with, and that they find support here. There can be a great deal of shame and fear around money, and I hope that talking about it helps.
So, if we end up in a care facility for more than a relatively short period, we'll probably need Medicaid. We do NOT want our adult children to spend any of their money to support us.
And with cost of facilities many will have to rely on children, that would be mostly women, 21st century did not change general perception of caregiving, it is still expected of women 40-50+ to give up careers and take care of aging parents.
Some of those women have young children as perhaps they started families in later 30s, some need to work, most should work as traditional way of 1900 of men supporting women is long gone. Many will find themselves divorced and impoverished.
And every woman caregiver to husband or parents should take care of her finances. Don’t think you need to rely on financial advisor, just put your money in safe place with compounding interest and conservative approach you might do better than taking advice from somebody who wants highest commission.
Once my parents' house is sold --hopefully by the end of the year-- I will find myself a part time job.
My kids each had one student loan . One is done paying hers but is trying to save money to buy a house. She lives with her fiancé in his small condo in an expensive area . My other will be done paying his off in about 6 months . He at least has a house . We will be done paying parent loans off by the time we retire , and no mortgage . My husband will also get a nice pension . But more retirement savings would have been nice especially if we live long and need care .
My daughter in law is enrolled in the same program that you spoke of because she works at a state university . She has 4.5 more years to go to reach her 10 years. It’s funny we saw the kids 2 days ago and we were talking about the college loans .
I would not want my kids to pay my parent loans . It was because of my decision to look after my parents and work part time that I have those loans. My kids should not have to pay for my mistakes . My parents lived longer than I thought they would .
I hope that the parent college loans eventually get paid off, and that nudges you into a position of greater financial freedom.
Thanks for your honesty.
Or are you looking for a reason to remain her dutiful slave caregiver? If yes, that's okay, just own it and it will make it easier.
Then I also had to go to every doctor appt because they could never keep the changes all straight in their heads about what the doctor said to do . I had to write down their med schedules for them to follow each day for years . Brought meals, took them out etc . etc.
They should have been in AL sooner , they refused to go to AL or to spend the money on hired help or to have strangers come in the home . I should have stopped helping them sooner but I promised .
The negative effect was I didn’t save what I could have for retirement and I’m still paying off parent college loans for my two kids .
We will be relying on what my husband saved for retirement . It was a huge mistake to promise to take care of my parents .
In the end Dad ended up in a nursing home for 3 months on palliative care bedbound before his death . A year later Mom went to AL because of dementia. She couldn’t be home alone anymore . She was there about 20 months before she died .
The one thing I never did was let them move in with us . I went to their house to help them and I did come home to my own home every night .
DH and I are currently trying to somewhat downsize but prices in my area are through the roof . Our current house is not huge but we have a big yard . We want a master bed and bath on the first floor or preferably a ranch in 55 and over but the competition is fierce to get into 55 and over driving up the price .
So downsizing isn’t going to leave us with a lot of extra money from the sale of our current home . Plus that extra money will most likely be needed to update the next house . Some of the bathrooms are particularly nasty if an elder was having issues . I am assuming to be ripping out bathrooms . I’m hoping to avoid a full kitchen renovation . Some of these homes the elders moved in them 20-25 years ago and didn’t maintain them . Old stained carpets , haven’t painted in 20 years etc .
I am not saying, if you are quite COMFORTABLE, that you should not help your parents out here and there, perhaps someone once a week to do housekeeping, and so on. What I am saying is that you cannot afford to pick up the slack of what is not covered after SS goes toward ALF payment and there is still outstanding bills each month.
Everyone has to make these decisions for themselves. Each individual does the best they can for their own family.
Taking her shopping, kholes, Michaels, dollar general, it's so hard to not spend money that I wasn't planning on, when you wonder in this stores for ever, and come home with stuff I didn't need. 3 years of that I'm sure has added up.
But I'm sure others have it much much worse.