Follow
Share

Sep 18: 5AM. My SO comes running up the steps and tells me my mother has been in the bathroom for an hour. So I run downstairs thinking the worst. There she is fully clothed and sitting on the closed toilet. I honestly thought I would find her deceased. She tells me (slurring her words) that she can't get up. I get her up, walk her and her rollator to the couch and have her sit down. We were debating to call an ambulance or not. Last time it took over a half an hour as there is none in our town. We decided it would be quicker to drive her ourselves as she appeared to be stable. We get her to the ER and she and I sit from 9 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon before a room is free. While we're waiting for the doctor, I was thinking that I'm sitting here watching her die. I texted my sons and let them know what was going on. At 6 in the evening, they decide to admit her. She stays in the ER overnight. Sep 19: 8AM. She has been admitted. They continue to give her Myasthenia Gravis infusions plus saline IV to hydrate her. This is all day. Sep 20: 1130AM. Couldn't get there until then because of previous appts. She's awake, little slurring, but is bedridden. She has severe diarrhea. No sooner is she changed and she needs to be changed again; eats every bit of food. She's drinking water, but still has MG infusions. Sep 21: 8AM. Her third day. Have made arrangements with nursing home to take her; it's their last room. Sep 22: 8AM. New doctor comes in and says she stays. I'm going crazy because I was all ready to take her. Center calls me and lets me know room is still hers. Sep 23: 8AM. Diarrhea has slowed, she's eating good, still bedridden. She's going but not until 4. We beat the ambulance to the rehab center. Her roommate has taken 3/4 of the room, as she has been by herself for sometime. Squeeze Mom in space, she's weighed and changed. She lost 3 1/2lbs. Intake person calls me and let's me know that even though he wasn't there, he left a packet for me to start working on her being there permanently. Inside I'm dancing. She may be there for only 100 days, but I am going to enjoy every one of them. I had several options on where to put her but the closest one to us is 1/2 hour away. I know that my family will not stir to come see her, as they haven't in the past 5yrs, so only my children know where she is. This will give me time to nail down the Elder Care lawyer, traveling notary and carry out her wishes to the letter. I did surprise myself because sitting in the ER the first night, I teared up, which I thought I would never do for such a horrible, narcissistic mother. BTW, I did do a little jig as I was walking out the door.

Find Care & Housing
It's nice to get compliments & be appreciated for what you do. I am glad that gave you a boost.

What's the aim now?

Have a break while Mom is in rehab? Then what? Home again with Mom hopefully as well as she can be & you rested & revived?

PS "I ended up having to lift her in and out of the car".

If you wanted a break, why join your Son & Mom for lunch?
(0)
Report

Update: My son and his wife came over from Woodbridge today to take Mom out to lunch. I ended up having to lift her in and out of the car, feed her and pick up the food that missed her mouth before I took over. Believe it or not, it didn't phase me in the least. She was on her best behavior too. Mom never argued, was docile and did everything she was instructed to do with only one repeat per. What to me was hilarious, she took one of her fried shrimp and dipped it into her coleslaw and the second one she ate, she dipped it into her applesauce. She started to eat the shrimp tail, but I got it from her just before it went into her mouth. Those were new idios to me. It is such a relief to have her in the rehab center that the stuff I ended up doing for her didn't make my anger go from zero to flat out The Flash. I would add that my son gave me the best compliment in the world. He told me he was glad I was there because he would not have been able to handle her by himself. He said he was impressed of the way I took care of Mommom. That made my day. You hear it from the staff, but to me it's just words. Coming from my own family was so joyful. I appreciate the comments from the caregivers on here and as far as filling out the application for LTC, the director and the business manager said I did a really good job putting together most everything needed. I only need two more years of bank statements and the letter from the funeral home proving Mom made provisions for herself right after Dad passed away. I'm probably setting myself up for a fall, but I believe in the director and I'm going to stay upbeat for as long as I can. If the other flipflop falls, then I'll have to face reality, but right now, I'm floating.
(1)
Report

Brandee again

I hope you get the 100 day respite.
(2)
Report

If the extreme diarrhea continues more than 3 or 4 weeks. (We're talking 8-10 episodes of explosive diarrhea in 24 hours) Day after day for 4 weeks. Then I'd ask her doctor about Microscopic Colitis.
(1)
Report

Youve been coping with a lot and now got a respite so its only natural to feel relief. The person wasnt pleasant you mentioned so your emotions feel pleased to be rid of her. Going forward that may not be very healthy for you bottling up those feelings, neither to your mother, as they may spill over to negative behaviour to your mother (however justified)
You have mentioned some severe conditions you are copying with - maybe its time to look into options of your mother living in proper care facility and you just visit. Speak to the centre/doctor and find out your options. Sounds like you need me time and to get on with your own life.
(3)
Report

I'm very happy for you, but am a little concerned that you are counting on Medicare coverage for 100 days in rehab/skilled nursing. That almost never happens as it's very rare for a person to be certified as medically eligible for that long. 100 days is just the max for coverage in any benefit period, not a guarantee of coverage. Moreover, Medicare would pay in full only for days 1-21, and even then people have to fight for continued certification of necessity sometimes. Here's what it say on the federal Medicare website regarding skilled nursing/rehab coverage:

Your costs in Original Medicare
In each benefit period (2024), you pay:
   Days 1 - 20: $0. (Note: If you're in a Medicare Advantage Plan, you may be charged copayments during the first 20 days. Check with your plan for more information.)
   Days 21 - 100: $204 each day
   Days 101 and beyond: All costs
Part A limits SNF coverage to 100 days in each benefit period.

The fact that the social worker has already given you a packet for a permanent stay is a good sign. I suspect the packet includes an application for Medicaid LTC coverage. They seem pretty sure she will meet the medical necessity requirement, but she also has to meet the financial requirement in terms of assets and monthly income.
.
(3)
Report

I would not take her home other than as a hospice patient without further treatment intended.

For yourself, and for others, if you don't want to sit in an ER all day long then call EMS. They go directly into a cubicle while you wait, which is the reason that you DO wait. If it is critical call EMS.

Glad she is in care.
(3)
Report

Well we can all only hope that your 100 days will turn into your mother remaining there the rest of her life, as that is honestly what is best for all involved.
Keep on dancing!
(3)
Report

Uarew6, congratulations, 😜, I'm sure you have mixed feelings, when you said you teared up, then did the jig. Enjoy your 100 days , that will lead you into Christmas. Oh part of me is jealous 😂
(6)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter