I could write a book on my mother's problems, but she has vascular blockage in her legs that cause severe circulation problems. It's so bad, she's developed open sores and fluid seeps through her skin. We've taken her to multiple doctor visits. The woman is stubborn. She knows she could lose her leg if this issue gets worse, but she won't do what the doctor says. She won't take lasix to help get the fluid off. Doc says she needs to keep the wound bandaged. She won't do it. She refuses to let the assisted living nurses change her bandages. She gives my wife grief about it. So, this afternoon I went by to check on her bandage. There was no bandage. She told me it came off during the night. Right. So, nurses, doctors, and my wife can't get her to wear a bandage. Out of desperation, I put on a new bandage. I'm not a nurse, but you'd have thought Jesus Himself bandaged her leg. She told me repeatedly "you did as good as the doctor did when he wrapped it." Folks, I've never wrapped a leg wound in my life. It was just one of those moments when I realized it had nothing to do with the quality, or lack thereof, of my nursing skills. It had everything to do with the fact that her son was giving her some attention. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new bandage. She may well rip the one I put on today off during the night. The doctors have ordered some scans to see if we're dealing with Vascular or Lewy Body dementia. There have been many bad days and more to come. In anger, I've said things to her I never thought I'd say. She's just that unreasonable at times. She's also said things to me I never thought I'd hear. But, sometimes the old mother who just wants her son to show her some attention breaks through, and I know that it is the disease that has changed her. She tells me how much it brightens her day for me to stop by. I know she means it. I have to remember that this is the woman who gave me life.
You are right that there will be more bad days ahead. I hope that there will be good days in between to give you strength to take on the bad days. Most of all, I wish you peace in your heart knowing that you're doing right by your mom.
Title for your book?
Could you extend your Svengali-like influence over your mother to persuade her that her Lasix will also have new magical powers if she takes it from your hand? Or, if you're not there often enough and the facility's medications management policy will let you get away with it, decant the tablets into a special container chosen and labelled by you, in your own fair hand, saying something like "one* a day, don't forget :) xxx"
*If it's two a day, find out if your mother's GP can switch her to a different diuretic.
Hi, I am 52 y/o and have 3 sons, 31, 29, 20. I can't tell you why but there is something so powerful between Mom's and their sons. Regardless of how old they get or how long their away, a piece of me is missing without them. Nothing on God's green earth compares to being in one of my sons arms, nothing.
What a special bond, enjoy it as long as you can. She probably loves you more then any other person on this planet does! 👨👦